... and I said NO

When you are a girl who doesn't have anybody to miss or to think about guys seems not to be interested in you a all. Now that I am ok, now that I try to convince myself that I'm over everything that has happened to me is when nobody calls me and nobody wants me.

Mental Note: Kinky too skiny nobody likes her now :(

My life is work, gym, reading, studying and planning the future; Europe is in my mind, backpacking is tempting me again, I've never been in Central America. I spend most of my days jus getting high and drinking wine, I don't like to eat anymore, unless I desperately need it and my lap top is practically attached to my stomach since I pass days by just writting and trying to finish all the stories I never did when I was dating my nightmare, who I don't mention anymore, thinking maybe that way I'll forget his name and his face someday.

I met Chad at work, he's a crazy ski bumb who can't snowboard anymore, he was suppoused to teach me this winter and after I got my gear and went riding a couple of times, so I don't embarras myself completely in front of him, he got injured and now I lost one snowboard buddy.

He asked me out a couple of times but I took it as just two friends having lunch and sake bombs at NOZAWA, a very cheap sushi bar here in Vail. Chad is fun, is fun to be with, I love his stories about how he hits on girls at Bob's Place (his second job); for being a 27 year old guy he lives as a pretty lost teenager who wants to get laid a lot.

Ok, now, these are all the things I think I knew about Chad, after some nights with beers and other drugs I don't want to talk about; these are all the things I knew about Chad after long afternoons with sushi and beer (Sapporo of course!); these are all the things I knew about Chad BEFORE he got pretty wasted last night and told me how cool of a chick I was and how much he was falling for me.

:-O

I may be totally blind because for me he was just a very good looking guy who had no interest in me but liked to hang out because, you know, I'm as cool as that :'D

The weather was so bad to me, it didn't stop snowing the whole day but I decided it was much better, after so many joints and beers that... yes, it was much better for me to leave. And God knows I deserve a medal because I haven't had sex in a veeeeeeeeery long time.

It just didn't feel right, as soon as I got out of his house the fucking cold made its way into my poor bones and being up to my knees in snow made it very difficult for me to walk to the bus stop, but I made it, 3 blocks are not that bad when you know you are doing the right thing.

Was I doing the right thing?

I haven't told this to anybody, just you, that are reading this and thinking "who is this mental case writing about such private stuff", but I feel fine. I love Chad, he's my friend and you don't fuck your friends, however, for as much as I try to think, I guess there must be another reason why I didn't do it, but I've already said that I don't mention him anymore.