I'm not sarcastic, I'm hilarious... I'm not annoying, I'm just cooler than you... I'm not a bitch, I just don't like you... I'm not obssesed, I'm just MY best friend!!
...ya ni sé donde diantres encontré esto, pero estaba escrito en una pared, cool huh??
So here I am, 2 in the morning trying to get some sleep. I was suppoused to have a date tonight, M is just so complicated, poor guy. I've always thought of myself as the screwed-up one, you know? the one that has so many things going on that nobody can ever get me! But M, he is just a lost case.
Cute as hell, he was staring at me one night I went out with "the girls", just that morning I had found out that my loving and, always little bit of a jerk boyfriend, was actually sleeping with other girls so I met M, there he was... eating a chesse burger, and after the eye contact, everything went just amazing. He is so sensitive, thoughtful, kind and with great manners, a gentleman. Why are all the good ones taken?
I can't even remember the first thing I said to him, but he does... "are you hungry?" he said I asked, what a floozy! Then he stayed with me the whole night and after a frisky situation in some restroom we came back to our friends and just talked and got to know each other, the next thing I knew he had just broken up with a girlfriend after a year of a relationship and, go figure! he is brokenhearted.
Considering myself a pretty lucky girl, for the guys who have fallen for me, I guess M was just too eager to have something going on, right away. Sometimes is very hard to get used to the fact that you are alone again, naturally. And as I always say, being alone is the best for so many things that, when you're with somebody you just try to make it work so bad, until finaly you get exhausted... so when you're by youself again you don't have the energy to feel better and be happy again (just at the begining).
I really hope M get his issues solved soon, I really like him, I felt really bad for not letting him into my life now, but maybe is like Sally said: "we're suppoused to be transitional people not THE ONE".
When you really feel like getting involved with somebody you need to be clean they say, no horrified memories from your ex, no crazy dreams where you are in the room while he's fucking other girls, no horny texting in the middle of a drunken night; what you need is having all your luggage really well packed and storage in that dark closet in the basement. I'm not there yet though... I just threw away his pictures yesterday (we've been apart for like a month now) and with the big frame that has a bunch of his dog's pictures, it was such a great work of art of mine that I feel sad about just tossing it out. I might need to do it soon too.
It was never my intention to get M all confused and sad, and actually when he came home to see me tonight, having all set up and perfect with some sushi and White Zinfandel, suddenly I started to talk about his ex and decided it was much better if he just left. I don't want any troubles I said.
"Well, if I can't get you off my mind ever since I met you, then you're a troublemaker girl" he said. :D
I'm a troublemaker Never been a faker Doin' things my own way And never givin' up. I'm a troublemaker Not a doubletaker I don't have the patience
to keep it on the up...
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
They say I need some rogaine to put in my hair
Work it out at the gym to fit my underwear
Oakley makes the shades to transform a tool
You'd hate for the kids to think that you've lost your cool
Imma do the things that i wanna do
I ain't got a thing to prove to you
I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans
Excuse my manners if i make a scene
I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like
I'm fine and dandy with the me inside
One look in the mirror and i'm tickled pink
I don't give a hoot about what you think
Everyone likes to dance to a happy song
with a catchy chorus and beat so they can sing along
Timbaland knows the way to reach the top of the charts
Hace un par de semanas que me siento algo mejor, me gusta recordarlo y llorar en mi cama mientras veo nuestras fotos, pero la verdad es que es la necesidad de sentir algo no mas, no es nada que me detenga y no me deje salir, montar mi bicicleta, ir al gimasio, ir a mi trabajo que adoro!! e ncluso no es esa clase de sentimiento que te hace no tener ganas de conocer a nadie más.
Mi rutina se ha vuelto algo loca; en estas ultimas dos semanas he ido a muchas fiestas y gastado mucho dinero en ropa interior bonita, he optado (pese a que es verano) a no depilarme seguido y dejé de comer carne. Tuve un par de dramas huésped-recepionista que me dieron un "warning" y la amenaza de que si volvía a mandar a la mierda a un cliente me regresaba a dia siguiente a Perú.
Me levanto temprano en las mañanas para caminar hacia la parada de autobus, unas dos horas de que tenga que empezar mi turno (no manejar me esta hartando); a eso de las 6 a.m. hay muchas personas en la calle para mi gusto, a los gringos les gusta salir a trotar y caminar con sus perros, en Lima a esa hora ves a la gente saliendo de las discos o buscando otro punto para hacer el after-hour. En Arequipa a las 6 de la mañana todos se van del centro a Cayma a comer adobo y luego uno la sigue con unas chelas mañaneras en Arancota.
Nota Mental: Hecho de menos Perú!!!!!!!!!
He dejado de leer, es que siento que me hace falta poder terminar el libro que dejé en su departamento, TELEX FROM CUBA, estaba super bueno y como siempre iba a dormir a su casa decidí llevarlo y así cuando el se quedaba dormido yo me ponía a leer tirada en la alfombra junto a su perra Bonnie. Es increible las cosas que una extraña no?.
Si bien mis dias empiezan temprano debo decir que hago lo posible porque terminen tambien temprano, salgo del trabajo a eso de las 3 p.m. luego voy al gimnasio, voy a la piscina, nado mucho aunque sé que soy espantosa y luego monto las 5 millas de camino hacia mi casa, eso en kilometros será cuanto?... 2.5 kilómetros?... bueno pos' será el sereno pero es harto, y en las montañas uno va de arriba a abajo, en fin, es buen ejercicio. Al llegar a casa llamo a mi mamá, converso con mis roomates y cuando decido acostarme alguna llamada por teléfono me obliga a hacer mi jornada un poco más larga.
Hoy tengo el día libre e hize muchos planes, pero son casi las dos de la tarde y no me puedo levantar de la cama, la fiesta anoche estuvo muy buena. Recuerdo que en el invierno me gustaba ir a este bar mucho, iba sola y escuchaba música en vivo. Anoche estaba este chico de Arizona que cantaba con su guitarra canciones de Weezer, de Travis, de Placebo pero como si fueran country, ellos dicen que es "Folk", sé que suena horrible pero si estas parada en frente de él viendolo emborracharse y tocar como descosido te enamoras. Yo siempre he tenido eso algo que me atrae a los chicos que tienen algo de artistas, pero nunca nada se concretaba.
Anoche me regresé a casa sola a las 2 de la mañana en el bus, estaba medio volada y cuando me dieron ganas de vomitar me di cuenta que había tomado mucha cerveza, me puse mis audifonos y me encontré con que había cargado el soundtrack de JUNO en mi mp3. Sí! yo uso mp3, estoy totalmente en contra de esa mierda de I-phone, Blackberry, I-pod touch y tanta lecera que lo unico que harían sería complicarme la vida. A mí dame un celular que mande textos a otros países y un mp3 pa cargarle mis 120 canciones favoritas y estoy regia!. Tecnologías ahuevonadas a mí!
Una chica muy bonita se sentó a mi lado y me sonreía mucho, tenía un top verde strapless... Su pelo olía a coco y estaba tan destrozadamente ebria que me tocaba la pierna y me preguntaba cosas como: So? did you have fun tonight?. Are you from Rumania?. What music are you listening to? .
A mí puede ser que se me vengan ideas extrañas con respecto a las chicas cuando ando en períodos de sequía pero nunca me he atrevido a violarme a ninguna, creo que me daría asco y sería raro. Pero aca las gringas se emborrachan y regalan el calzón a cualquiera, sea hombre, mujer, perro o alce.
Cuando llegué a casa luego de cruzar la cancha de golf en la oscuridad, oyendo a los chicos de The Clash y leyendo los textos de Landon preguntandome si estoy "naked" decidí fumarme otro joint y ver una película, asi que cogí mi cajita de kleenex y me tiré en el sofá a ver THE NOTEBOOK... jajajaja... le puse subtítulos y seguí oyendo música.
GO STRAIGT TO HELL BOY!!!!!!!
I WANNA GO HOME NOW!!!!!!!!!!
K: Can you imagine any other place you'd like to be right now?
L: What?... what are you talking about?
K: Nothing... forget it...
L: Where else would you like to be? if you wanna be somewhere else just say so!! ok?
K: ?
K: Aren't we lucky? aren't we lucky we have this?
L: What d'you mean?
K: ... to feel like this, being here...
L: ahhh... but what are we doing? just laying in bed?
A veces las peores diferencias que se pueden tener no sólo son el idioma o la cultura, lo peor que te puede pasar con alguien que amas es que trates de ser linda y le mandes comentarios que, si en su diminuto cerebro el pudiera entender, todo seria fantastico.
I feel sad because I really loved. I’m enraged because I gave away what I never thought I’d be able to get. I feel pity because I know he still misses me, I can tell by his voice resounding in my head. What did I hope to gain confusing everything since the beginning…?, fooling who loved me, or at least who was eager to try. Now there are just poisoned traces, ashes that smother my life, my brain. Why was I so afraid? Why not wanting him anymore?. I can see him smiling at me, I can see him hating me. Being caressed by him, my loss he says… blaming him for no reason, my loss!. Trying to find my basis to get away… in an attempt to find my lost foundation I kicked him aside trying to run far from here. Just in case he feels like coming back I left a gray cloud over our feelings, hoping it keeps him away. I left my heart next to the moon knowing it will heal standing by the coldness.
We didn’t need to keep loving each other anymore. We didn’t need to keep trying bringing to life a death body. I believed in him, and I’d believe again… because I know him, I know what he didn’t do, I knew there was no reason to doubt, I know what I did, and I know I had to.
I caused myself pain (I liked it), our tears smashed the ground like everything we had given up in the past just to be together.
Now what’s left is just a body with somebody else’s smell. Why was I so afraid?... now I’m just a body wandering upon somebody else’s hands, swimming in skin I need to make mine.
