mmmmm... sooooo bad...

... and I said NO

When you are a girl who doesn't have anybody to miss or to think about guys seems not to be interested in you a all. Now that I am ok, now that I try to convince myself that I'm over everything that has happened to me is when nobody calls me and nobody wants me.

Mental Note: Kinky too skiny nobody likes her now :(

My life is work, gym, reading, studying and planning the future; Europe is in my mind, backpacking is tempting me again, I've never been in Central America. I spend most of my days jus getting high and drinking wine, I don't like to eat anymore, unless I desperately need it and my lap top is practically attached to my stomach since I pass days by just writting and trying to finish all the stories I never did when I was dating my nightmare, who I don't mention anymore, thinking maybe that way I'll forget his name and his face someday.

I met Chad at work, he's a crazy ski bumb who can't snowboard anymore, he was suppoused to teach me this winter and after I got my gear and went riding a couple of times, so I don't embarras myself completely in front of him, he got injured and now I lost one snowboard buddy.

He asked me out a couple of times but I took it as just two friends having lunch and sake bombs at NOZAWA, a very cheap sushi bar here in Vail. Chad is fun, is fun to be with, I love his stories about how he hits on girls at Bob's Place (his second job); for being a 27 year old guy he lives as a pretty lost teenager who wants to get laid a lot.

Ok, now, these are all the things I think I knew about Chad, after some nights with beers and other drugs I don't want to talk about; these are all the things I knew about Chad after long afternoons with sushi and beer (Sapporo of course!); these are all the things I knew about Chad BEFORE he got pretty wasted last night and told me how cool of a chick I was and how much he was falling for me.

:-O

I may be totally blind because for me he was just a very good looking guy who had no interest in me but liked to hang out because, you know, I'm as cool as that :'D

The weather was so bad to me, it didn't stop snowing the whole day but I decided it was much better, after so many joints and beers that... yes, it was much better for me to leave. And God knows I deserve a medal because I haven't had sex in a veeeeeeeeery long time.

It just didn't feel right, as soon as I got out of his house the fucking cold made its way into my poor bones and being up to my knees in snow made it very difficult for me to walk to the bus stop, but I made it, 3 blocks are not that bad when you know you are doing the right thing.

Was I doing the right thing?

I haven't told this to anybody, just you, that are reading this and thinking "who is this mental case writing about such private stuff", but I feel fine. I love Chad, he's my friend and you don't fuck your friends, however, for as much as I try to think, I guess there must be another reason why I didn't do it, but I've already said that I don't mention him anymore.

THANKS and GIVE ME!!!

Bueno tuve mi primer Dia de Acción de Gracias, así es, se hicieron realidad todas esas escenas de mi vida pasada cuando miraba películas donde se celebrab este GAME OVER entre los peregrinos y los indios americanos, donde finalmente matan a un pavo y comparten una cena opípara en la cual se agradecen el haber dejado de destruirse unos a otros.

Yo dí gracias a Sunny que fue la que me invitó al Thanksgiving Dinner que tuvo en su casa donde sendos potajes inundaron nuestras enormes y abominables panzas. Parece que como eramos todos huerfanitos en el hotel (casi nadie vive con sus familiares sino con los rumeits locos que uno consigue por esos caprichos del destino); decidimos que, como ya era mucha la falta de afecto que nos embargaba, ibamos a comer y a tomar como si fuera la ultima noche de nuestras vidas.

Nota Mental: como se echa de menos esa copita de anisado para matar el chancho, como se dice en mi tierra.

Todo empezó como a las 6 de la tarde cuando Trent me vino a recojer para ir a comprar toda la cerveza que pudiera caber en su maletera. Luego Karlijn dijo que mejor nos juntemos en su casa porque era mas grande, asi que Sunny y su novio Nate cargaron al pobre pavo y a sus ensaladas y rellenos y demás platillos apetecibles y empezaron la procesión hacia nuestro nuevo destino.

No sé si fue toda la yerba que fumamos, o las 2 botellas de vino que me tomé yo sola, pero cuando llegó el momento de sentarnos a la mesa y dar GRACIAS, nadie pudo pensar en algo realmente grande y bonito que nos haya pasado y así dar gracias con ganas. Nate nos llamo SPOILED FUCKERS! y creo que tenia razón, mi abuelita siempre me decía que yo era una malagradecida cada vez que se enojaba conmigo, sea cual fuese el motivo de su enojo.

Bueno como las extranjeras del grupo que no teníamos idea sobre la historia de esta fecha tan especial para los gringos, Karlijn y yo le pedimos a Sunny que nos cuente la historia de THANKSGIVING lo que terminó en historias llenas de nostalgia de su niñez y de como su abuelo le enseñó a jugar damas chinas.

Luego Trent se puso tambien nostálgico y entonces Nate dijo que todos deberíamos dar gracias por el simple hecho de estar todos volados y riéndonos mientras veíamos BRAVE HEART, pero lo mas importante era dar gracias porque no estabamos solos, y creo que tuvo razón porque en ese momento, mirando a mi alrededor no me estaba sintiendo sola ni tenía pena por nada.

:D

Más tarde aquella noche Jim y Ben salieron del trabajo, era casi media noche y tenían mucha hambre así que Sunny recalentó el pavó y yo decidí sacrificarme con una segunda vuelta para que los muchachos no se sientan solos sentados en la mesa. Cuando llegó Rachel dijo que ya era muy tarde y que no quería pavo pero Karlijn le ofreció uno de los tantos pies y tartas y otros dulces que había preparado así que me uní a ella y seguí comiendo.

No recuerdo como llegué a casa aquella fría y nevada noche del 27 de noviembre, pero lo que sí recuerdo fue que tenía una sensación muy bonita, algo así entre acidez, borrachera y felicidad. Yo no lo dije en voz alta pero cuando me di cuenta que ahí, sentada en aquel sofá, estaba rodeada de muy buenos amigos, di GRACIAS por haber conocido a esa sarta de gringos pastrulos que se han propuesto enseñarme a hacer SNOWBOARDING este invierno.

HAPPY TURKEY DAY PERUANOS!!!

...my happy days in Colorado...

Trying to find THE BALANCE!!! :-O

Puedes estar bien por dentro pero mal por fuera... llegué a esa conclusion sabes?, hay días en los que abro los ojos y todo me sale bien, no tengo sueño cuando salgo de la cama, me siento revitalizada con el baño caliente, el bus viene a la hora y de un modo u otro tengo una sonrisa en la cara todo el tiempo durante ese dia en particular. Pero no estoy feliz, creo que no.

Apago mi teléfono para no darme cuenta que nunca suena. Cuando veo a las chicas hablando por telefono me acuerdo cuando Landon me llamaba por telefono a mí, cuando nos quedábamos hablando mucho rato mientras yo limpiaba la casa, o mientras el se comía un sandwich del SUB WAY.

La nieve llegó de nuevo y el unico recuerdo que tengo es de las cosas que viví cuando lo conocí en una noche de nieve y de mucho frio, recuerdo aquel futón en el que dormimos, recuerdo que nunca pude decir su nombre la noche en que nos conocimos, como pueden apreciar, puras weadas!

El trabajo es mas interesante y tolerable cada día; de repente la gente dejó de venir, de repente dejaron de haber reservaciones, de repente el hotel quedó vacío, recesión decian todos, y yo no tenía ida de lo que hablaban, yo pensé que era una temporada baja no más. La ignoracia me embarga, ya no leo los diarios y ya no LEO! hay miles de películas que quiero ver y no tengo un cine cerca.

Mental Note: Sometimes Vail is really frustrating! :'(

See, I'm not insane, in fact I'm kind of rational...

When I be askin', "Yo, where did all the passion go?"

... 5 points make a fist

Well this is me, lonely me, waking through the snow one more time, one more year, listening to my mp3 playing some hip-hop shit I can't stop listening.

Life is good, I've been very busy though in the resort the flow of guests is pretty slow. I don't go out that much anymore, I shut off my phone so I kind of lost my social life, but I'm getting used to be my myself, no more parties in my house, I had my crazy days I had my fun now is time to catch up with my reading and my writting.

My schedule is fine, I get to walk at night a couple of miles until the transportation center, once there I sit and wait for my bus everynight at around 11:30 p.m. I look at the people, I imagine their lives, I smell the mexican construction workers, I smile at young american guys wearing their hoodies and their pants around their butts.

My "therapist" is helping me, I make my "homeworks", I read what he tells me to read, I try to understand I need a change. Music helps me, I've always loved music, I'm very eclectic when it comes to it. Like right now I'm having a mix of PORTISHEAD and ATMOSPHERE, or was so into ELTON JOHN and then I suddenly felt like SLIPKNOT.

I write home more often, I call mum whenever I have the chance, I try to make it at least once a week but sometimes I get too homesick, it's been almost a year since the last time I hug my mother, almost a year since I got to lay on her bed and feel so safe! Strange feeling I always miss those things, from mi ex, from my sisters, is weird to feel helpless.

It'll be THANKSGIVING DAY really soon, I've never celebrated that holyday before so it will be fun, is a time to be greatful they say, I'm gonna have to say what I am greatful for, that will be a lot of thinking, I guess the most important thing to say thank you for will be my friends. I'm far from home which I hate when holydays come and my ex boyfriend thinks I'm some kind of pervert psycopath who had planned to ruin his life somehow.

When you try to realize what is wrong about you is not necessary to see yourself in the mirror, all you need is to notice that when you hurt somebody is time to say "stop and start over". Karma freaks me out due to this kind of things, but he'll get over it, right? In the meantime rage has replace love, which seems a good title for a hip-hop song.





... and everyone in his life would mistake it as love

LATE, FATE, MATE

World is world to live in it,
I am me to be myself,
you are you to be yourself,
I am here to do what I want,
You are here to do what you want,
I am not here to please you,
you are not here to please me,
world wanted us to bump into each other,
fate is wonderful when you go with it,
fate is horrible when I decided to be myself,
fate is what it is if we are not together...

God damn you feelings that smother me,
I live and I love... both won't let me think,
I look up to the sky and my life has no sense,
living is hell just as when I was with you,
but now I am cold 'cuz you have left.

INTENSA.

FOR YOU...

...solo estoy atada a un sentimiento...

Is my party and I cry if I want to!!!!!

Well one more birthday, one more year, one more party where I ended up all wasted and happy to be sorrounded by people that are really worth it.

Theme parties are no so popular where I come from but it was amazing to name my party: "THE REVENGE OF THE NERDS". I had such a great time; it all started aroung 7 p.m. on Saturday, I had a long day at work, I was hating the world because the weather forecast said it was gonna be the first nigh with snow of the winter season, and we all know by now I HATE WINTERS in Vail.

The moment I got home I lighted up a joint and went to bed, I needed a nap desperately, suddenly after an hour I was woken up by a group of crazy girls jumping on my bed all dressed up in nerdy ourfits, it was so funny, but stillI was looking like hell with bags under my eyes and awful breath.

Once I got ready as nerdy as I could get, my friend Eavynn gave me a tiara! I love tiaras! so I put it on and started with the fun party. We had nerdy music, we had lots of drinks and of course and made all of them smoke joints.

Later on at night I was a little upset because my friend Rachel said she'll be done with work by 6 p.m. but it was late already and she wasn't there, I was kind of sad but when she arrived she had a big surprise for me. MY HELLO KITTY CAKE! it was so wonderfull, so we sang Happy Birthday, they all made fun of me for singing in spanish.

Nos hemos divertido mucho, nos hemos tomado fotos y nos hemos alistado mas o menos cerca de la medianoche para poder empezar la celebracion de mi cumpleaños, pese a que muchos ya habiamos tirado la toalla y estabamos en estado comatoso.
Realmente no recuerdo mucho lo que sucedio anoche pero sé que la hemos pasado muy bien, y como yo tenia puesta esa corona de princesa todos me decian Happy Birthday en la calle, recuerdo que fuimos a un bar donde se estaban celebrando algo asi como 5 cumpleaños. Parece que esta semana es la semana de parir. Un amigo del trabajo tuvo a su bebe el miercoles pasado, un LIBRA mas para el mundo.

En los videos que vi a la mañana siguiente, cuando abri los ojos y estaba tirada en mi cama con mis zapatos puestos y mi corona colgandome a un lado de la cara, he podido apreciar las cosas mas inusuales, como por ejemplo SHOOO!! besandome con Clint que tiene 21, caminando al rededor del bar con mis pantalones chorreados de trago, acercándome a gente extraña y decirles: TONIGHT I'M WEARING THE TIARA OK?.

He sabido tambien por ahí, que proclame tener 18 años, que me peleé con un gringa sonsa por empujarme, que pretendí prender un troncho dentro de una disco, y bueno... mi celular estaba lleno de llamadas perdidas y llamadas realizadas de las cuales no me siento orgullosa.

You never can tell how lucky you are until your birthday comes and; even though you are depressed for the fact that you are 28 now, that you are not a bit closer to make a commitment with pretty much anything; but somehow on the day you were born your house is full of people dressing like idiots just because you wanted to, giving you presents just because you asked for it, and making you feel special in spite of your crazyness and your passive-agressive fucked up personality on a snowy night like the night when I first got here and I was alone.

THANK YOU NERDS!

you made me very happy!

:'(

... the whole wide world just to find him...

Sometimes when I have nothing to do I like to listen to my music sickly loud with my headphones, and I cry, I cry for feeling lonely, even when I was with Landon I used to cry for being lonely, I cry for wanting things, I cry for not being at home, I cry for not having money. Crying is a very important part in my life, the good thing is that I do it when I'm by myself so nobody has to say I'm a wuss or stuff like that.

When you have nobody to call, when you have nobody to miss your life seems to have no sense, even when work fulfills you, even when you have good friends; but still is like something is missing. I don't know if I came to America to find the guy of my dreams, I found Landon, who turned out to be my worst nigthmare, but he was fun. Not the guy of my dreams though.

I do have dreams about him, I dream that we see each other again, I dream that we bump into each other in the middle of a crowded street in Denver and we have a decent normal conversation. Some other dreams have to do with being together again. I dream that I tell him we need to go away, far from here, so we rent a U-HAUL little truck and put all our stuff inside and start driving to New York or some exciting city like that.

I have to take the bus everymorning at 5 a.m. and so many things go through my mind in the almost 6 blocks have to walk in the dark with my music in my ears and cold as hell, now that fall is taking over the short summer, I feel I won't be able to make it here alone one more winter.

If you are reading this, all I have to say is that I'm so sorry for what I did, Im sorry I broke your heart, and if you ever want to go away with me, I'll be waiting for you, not as your lover but just as a friend.

Maybe if I keep travelling I'll be able to not to get so crazy when I'm about to fall hard for somebody, I know next year will bring a bunch of new stuff for me, Europe is waiting for me, I don't know what I will do, but lets just say that I'm eager to go the whole wide world just to find him.

:)

...just to find out where they hide him...

I don't wanna live like that...

you fooling around with my feelings has been too hard on me :(
just listen to my voice, I ain't got something nice to say to you now,
you wanna hug me, you wanna love me and you want to touch me,
but just when you feel like to, and no when I WANT TO!!

It's so difficult for me to stay out of trouble lately... Not that I look for it but for some reason I keep making myself so so happy and then so so sad. Maybe I need to go from one extreme to the other to live my life. Anyhow I guess this time I'm about to fall again and I have realized I need to keep myself away from cute bouncers all covered in tatoos and funy accent, even more when I know for a fact he is a "whore" and he has a girlfriend, and he calls me only when he wants to, and yes, believe it or not, it breaks my heart because I think we could be perfect together!

For the last week my rutine has become work, gym, reading, walking and BOUNCER. And I now is wrong and I know I need to stop it, but is hard. Is hard to say no when is 10 in the morning and I'm riding the bus to work listening to the Foo Fighters playing out loud on my ears "... a little bit of resooooooooooooolve is what I need now, pin me down, show me hoooooooooooow...". I wish I knew how to say NO, but in days like today, when you go to work and they send you home, so finally you are forced to walk all the way back because the bus won't come for another hour, and then BOUNCER offers a ride, I can't say no!

Is terrible to realized how obssesed you can become when you know somebody else is gonna marry the one who is suppoused to be YOUR husband...

SOUTH PARK cartoons

LOL

my friend made this for me, I still have serious aprehensions due to the hair style I've been given, but let's say this is pretty much how I look...

I'm aparently screaming "death to Landon"

...and I wonder...

if everything could ever feel this real forever

if anything could ever be this good again...

ME ME ME!!!

I'm not sarcastic, I'm hilarious...
I'm not annoying, I'm just cooler than you...
I'm not a bitch, I just don't like you...
I'm not obssesed, I'm just MY best friend!!

...ya ni sé donde diantres encontré esto, pero estaba escrito en una pared, cool huh??

...I'm a troublemaker... never been a faker...

So here I am, 2 in the morning trying to get some sleep. I was suppoused to have a date tonight, M is just so complicated, poor guy. I've always thought of myself as the screwed-up one, you know? the one that has so many things going on that nobody can ever get me! But M, he is just a lost case.

Cute as hell, he was staring at me one night I went out with "the girls", just that morning I had found out that my loving and, always little bit of a jerk boyfriend, was actually sleeping with other girls so I met M, there he was... eating a chesse burger, and after the eye contact, everything went just amazing. He is so sensitive, thoughtful, kind and with great manners, a gentleman. Why are all the good ones taken?

I can't even remember the first thing I said to him, but he does... "are you hungry?" he said I asked, what a floozy! Then he stayed with me the whole night and after a frisky situation in some restroom we came back to our friends and just talked and got to know each other, the next thing I knew he had just broken up with a girlfriend after a year of a relationship and, go figure! he is brokenhearted.

Considering myself a pretty lucky girl, for the guys who have fallen for me, I guess M was just too eager to have something going on, right away. Sometimes is very hard to get used to the fact that you are alone again, naturally. And as I always say, being alone is the best for so many things that, when you're with somebody you just try to make it work so bad, until finaly you get exhausted... so when you're by youself again you don't have the energy to feel better and be happy again (just at the begining).

I really hope M get his issues solved soon, I really like him, I felt really bad for not letting him into my life now, but maybe is like Sally said: "we're suppoused to be transitional people not THE ONE".

When you really feel like getting involved with somebody you need to be clean they say, no horrified memories from your ex, no crazy dreams where you are in the room while he's fucking other girls, no horny texting in the middle of a drunken night; what you need is having all your luggage really well packed and storage in that dark closet in the basement. I'm not there yet though... I just threw away his pictures yesterday (we've been apart for like a month now) and with the big frame that has a bunch of his dog's pictures, it was such a great work of art of mine that I feel sad about just tossing it out. I might need to do it soon too.

It was never my intention to get M all confused and sad, and actually when he came home to see me tonight, having all set up and perfect with some sushi and White Zinfandel, suddenly I started to talk about his ex and decided it was much better if he just left. I don't want any troubles I said.

"Well, if I can't get you off my mind ever since I met you, then you're a troublemaker girl" he said. :D


I'm a troublemaker
Never been a faker
Doin' things my own way
And never givin' up.
I'm a troublemaker
Not a doubletaker
I don't have the patience

to keep it on the up...

They say I need some rogaine to put in my hair

Work it out at the gym to fit my underwear

Oakley makes the shades to transform a tool

You'd hate for the kids to think that you've lost your cool

Imma do the things that i wanna do

I ain't got a thing to prove to you

I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans

Excuse my manners if i make a scene

I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like

I'm fine and dandy with the me inside

One look in the mirror and i'm tickled pink

I don't give a hoot about what you think

Everyone likes to dance to a happy song

with a catchy chorus and beat so they can sing along

Timbaland knows the way to reach the top of the charts

maybe if i work with him i can perfect the art

Imma do the things that i wanna do

I ain't got a thing to prove to you

I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans

Excuse my manners if i make a scene

I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like

I'm fine and dandy with the me inside

one look in the mirror and i'm tickled pink

I don't give a hoot about what you think

No, I don't care

Mi rutina, sus textos y los Clash

Hace un par de semanas que me siento algo mejor, me gusta recordarlo y llorar en mi cama mientras veo nuestras fotos, pero la verdad es que es la necesidad de sentir algo no mas, no es nada que me detenga y no me deje salir, montar mi bicicleta, ir al gimasio, ir a mi trabajo que adoro!! e ncluso no es esa clase de sentimiento que te hace no tener ganas de conocer a nadie más.

Mi rutina se ha vuelto algo loca; en estas ultimas dos semanas he ido a muchas fiestas y gastado mucho dinero en ropa interior bonita, he optado (pese a que es verano) a no depilarme seguido y dejé de comer carne. Tuve un par de dramas huésped-recepionista que me dieron un "warning" y la amenaza de que si volvía a mandar a la mierda a un cliente me regresaba a dia siguiente a Perú.

Me levanto temprano en las mañanas para caminar hacia la parada de autobus, unas dos horas de que tenga que empezar mi turno (no manejar me esta hartando); a eso de las 6 a.m. hay muchas personas en la calle para mi gusto, a los gringos les gusta salir a trotar y caminar con sus perros, en Lima a esa hora ves a la gente saliendo de las discos o buscando otro punto para hacer el after-hour. En Arequipa a las 6 de la mañana todos se van del centro a Cayma a comer adobo y luego uno la sigue con unas chelas mañaneras en Arancota.

Nota Mental: Hecho de menos Perú!!!!!!!!!

He dejado de leer, es que siento que me hace falta poder terminar el libro que dejé en su departamento, TELEX FROM CUBA, estaba super bueno y como siempre iba a dormir a su casa decidí llevarlo y así cuando el se quedaba dormido yo me ponía a leer tirada en la alfombra junto a su perra Bonnie. Es increible las cosas que una extraña no?.

Si bien mis dias empiezan temprano debo decir que hago lo posible porque terminen tambien temprano, salgo del trabajo a eso de las 3 p.m. luego voy al gimnasio, voy a la piscina, nado mucho aunque sé que soy espantosa y luego monto las 5 millas de camino hacia mi casa, eso en kilometros será cuanto?... 2.5 kilómetros?... bueno pos' será el sereno pero es harto, y en las montañas uno va de arriba a abajo, en fin, es buen ejercicio. Al llegar a casa llamo a mi mamá, converso con mis roomates y cuando decido acostarme alguna llamada por teléfono me obliga a hacer mi jornada un poco más larga.

Hoy tengo el día libre e hize muchos planes, pero son casi las dos de la tarde y no me puedo levantar de la cama, la fiesta anoche estuvo muy buena. Recuerdo que en el invierno me gustaba ir a este bar mucho, iba sola y escuchaba música en vivo. Anoche estaba este chico de Arizona que cantaba con su guitarra canciones de Weezer, de Travis, de Placebo pero como si fueran country, ellos dicen que es "Folk", sé que suena horrible pero si estas parada en frente de él viendolo emborracharse y tocar como descosido te enamoras. Yo siempre he tenido eso algo que me atrae a los chicos que tienen algo de artistas, pero nunca nada se concretaba.

Anoche me regresé a casa sola a las 2 de la mañana en el bus, estaba medio volada y cuando me dieron ganas de vomitar me di cuenta que había tomado mucha cerveza, me puse mis audifonos y me encontré con que había cargado el soundtrack de JUNO en mi mp3. Sí! yo uso mp3, estoy totalmente en contra de esa mierda de I-phone, Blackberry, I-pod touch y tanta lecera que lo unico que harían sería complicarme la vida. A mí dame un celular que mande textos a otros países y un mp3 pa cargarle mis 120 canciones favoritas y estoy regia!. Tecnologías ahuevonadas a mí!

Una chica muy bonita se sentó a mi lado y me sonreía mucho, tenía un top verde strapless... Su pelo olía a coco y estaba tan destrozadamente ebria que me tocaba la pierna y me preguntaba cosas como: So? did you have fun tonight?. Are you from Rumania?. What music are you listening to?
.

A mí puede ser que se me vengan ideas extrañas con respecto a las chicas cuando ando en períodos de sequía pero nunca me he atrevido a violarme a ninguna, creo que me daría asco y sería raro. Pero aca las gringas se emborrachan y regalan el calzón a cualquiera, sea hombre, mujer, perro o alce.

Cuando llegué a casa luego de cruzar la cancha de golf en la oscuridad, oyendo a los chicos de The Clash y leyendo los textos de Landon preguntandome si estoy "naked" decidí fumarme otro joint y ver una película, asi que cogí mi cajita de kleenex y me tiré en el sofá a ver THE NOTEBOOK... jajajaja... le puse subtítulos y seguí oyendo música.

GO STRAIGT TO HELL BOY!!!!!!!

I WANNA GO HOME NOW!!!!!!!!!!

K: Can you imagine any other place you'd like to be right now?

L: What?... what are you talking about?

K: Nothing... forget it...

L: Where else would you like to be? if you wanna be somewhere else just say so!! ok?

K: ?

K: Aren't we lucky? aren't we lucky we have this?

L: What d'you mean?

K: ... to feel like this, being here...

L: ahhh... but what are we doing? just laying in bed?

A veces las peores diferencias que se pueden tener no sólo son el idioma o la cultura, lo peor que te puede pasar con alguien que amas es que trates de ser linda y le mandes comentarios que, si en su diminuto cerebro el pudiera entender, todo seria fantastico.

all for nothing... all for nothing...

I feel sad because I really loved.
I’m enraged because I gave away what I never thought I’d be able to get.
I feel pity because I know he still misses me,
I can tell by his voice resounding in my head.
What did I hope to gain confusing everything since the beginning…?,
fooling who loved me, or at least who was eager to try.
Now there are just poisoned traces, ashes that smother my life, my brain.
Why was I so afraid? Why not wanting him anymore?.
I can see him smiling at me, I can see him hating me.
Being caressed by him, my loss he says…
blaming him for no reason, my loss!.
Trying to find my basis to get away…
in an attempt to find my lost foundation
I kicked him aside trying to run far from here.
Just in case he feels like coming back
I left a gray cloud over our feelings,
hoping it keeps him away.
I left my heart next to the moon
knowing it will heal standing by the coldness.

We didn’t need to keep loving each other anymore.
We didn’t need to keep trying bringing to life a death body.
I believed in him, and I’d believe again…
because I know him, I know what he didn’t do,
I knew there was no reason to doubt,
I know what I did, and I know I had to.

I caused myself pain (I liked it),
our tears smashed the ground
like everything we had given up in the past
just to be together.

Now what’s left is just a body with somebody else’s smell.
Why was I so afraid?...
now I’m just a body wandering upon somebody else’s hands,
swimming in skin I need to make mine.

whErEs My PiLL!!!!!!!!

Where do we go from here...

The words are coming out all weird

Where are you now?

when I need you!!

Alone on an aeroplane

Fall asleep on against the window pane

My blood will thicken

I need to wash myself again

to hide all the dirt and pain

Cos I'd be scared that there's nothing underneath

But who are my real friends

Have they all got the bends

Am I really sinking this low

I think I'll get outta here...

where I can run just as fast as I can...

to the middle of nowhere...

to the middle of my frustrated fears..

and I swear, you're just like a pill...

instead of makin' me better,

you keep makin' me ill

you keep makin' me ill

you keep makin' me ill

you keep makin' me ill

I haven't moved from the spot where you left me

This must be a bad trip

All of the other pills, they were different

Maybe I should get some help!

... just brokenhearted... NATURALLY

MY ME TIME

Relationships...

There are those that open you up to something new and exotic,

those that are old and familiar,

those that bring up lots of questions,

those that bring you somewhere unexpected,

those that bring you far from where you started,

and those that bring you back...

But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself and if you find soemone to love the YOU you love...

well, thats just fabulous!!!!!

no puedo creer que el Wata esta igualito, hablamos como si los años hubieran pasado, nos acordamos de Sex and The City, nos acordamos de las noches de carrete, nos acordamos que nos amamos, nos acordamos que nos echamos de menos, nos acordamos que nos importamos y lo más importante es que nos acordamos que ser crueles y frios el uno con el otro nos ha mantenido cerca todos estos años.

WATA Y LA NERA!

... you??

If you like how I write, then sweet...

If things happened one night out of the blue and you realize how amazing you feel with this person, then sweet...

You're gonna realize how sweet things are by being perceptive, appreciating the good things in life, the every day little things,

whatever that is naturally beautiful.

You satisfy me, that's sweet...

It's so sweet...

I'm living lots of things, I'm learning, I'm listening, I'm feeling.

I'm growing, growing is something beautiful, growing is sweet...

I feel the cool breeze blowing in my face when I'm riding my bike,

I feel fresh, that's sweet...

Everything is so sweet to me when I want to embrace it,

those peculiar unexpected circumstances.

Now I think there are many sweet situations,

those situations with a very sweet inner side.

That's why I lisen to you, even when you say I don't understand you.

I pay attention, I observe, I think through...

and that's sweet!!

noseasloco: PAJA

Lo BUENO... weno, weno!! :D

Amigos de ayer y hoy...

Estoy feliz...

Bueno escribo algo decente creo que después de miles de meses con sus respectivos días, tratando de crear, tratando de poder postear algo interesante que no sea hablar de Landon, que no sea hablar de como me bajonea cuando peleamos, de como hecho de menos a su asquerosa perra Bonnie, nose.

Hoy estuve todo el dia en el SPA, es bueno hacerte socia del SPA cuico donde todas las viejas millonarias que vienen a visitar sus manciones pasan sus días llenandose de ice tea y haciendo citas para masajearse. Yo pago barato porque trabajo en el resort, ahhh sí porque lo que es SHOOOO... no tengo 125 cocos todos los meses para invertirlos en un gym, no way! Con las justas me animé a pagar la wea' de GOLD GYM en Lima y esto, porque el chino me había dejado y no tenía nada mejor en que gastar la plata que me mandaban del barco cuando me rompi el brazo.

Pero en fin, digo que es bueno porque es un placer estar en gym, luego te vas a tus clasesitas de kick-boxing, darte tu vueltita por la piscina, broncearte un resto, luego meterte a la hot tub con sus sales hidratantes y de ahí un saunita para sacarte la mugre de los codos. Un día regio!

Me conseguí una bicicleta, que realmente la histori de como la "consegui" es harto laga y agotadora asi que me la guardo, pero la cosa es que tengo una bici, y rico puh! Así como cuando vivía en Antofa me iba pa' too' lao' con la bici, mi Daysi, que por estos días se la pasa encerrada en una caja en el zótano de mis papas, oxidándose supongo, junto a la caja que contiene mis carteras llena de moho. Carajo y acá ando con 5 carteritas miserables luchando para combinarlas con mis outfits.

Mande un mail hace poco contando que ando enamorá y que el amor y que nosé que mas weas', eso no mas poh, puras weas! Ahora ya no estoy con Landon, pero estoy bien. No le he dado filo digamos pero lo espero, y si sucede, ya pes' que vaos' a hacer? I fell out of love!

Nota Mental: empezar terapia y tratar de luchar contra mi "hypomaniac sindrome", capaz algo de litio, lo que diga el Dr. Peip.

Luego contaba en este mail, que trabajaba regando flores y que no me gustaba, que andaba misia, pero que tenía que pretender ser feliz, bueno... NO MAS!!!!!! Qué pasó Kinky? cuenta! cuenta!

Resulta que un día estaba yo en mi odiosa chamba de jardinera, la cual soporte con gallardía y paciencia por dos largos y mutiladores meses, simple y llanamente porque así es como funcionan las cosas acá. Si quieres que tu sponsor (el resort para el que me vine a trabajar) te renueve la visa de trabajo cada 4 meses, tienes que esperar unos dos meses y como yo no me quize ir a Perú por ese tiempo lo mejor que pudieron hacer por mí fue conseguirme una pega asquerosa.

Bueno, prosigo, resulta que estaba yo tirada en un jardín, plantando floresitas y stonaza al extremo cuando de pronto me empieza a vibrar el cel en el poto, y al contestar, taraaaaaaaa! era del resort.

"Ya mamacita te aprobaron la extensión de la visa, asi que te vienes a trabajar pal' resort, a la recepción postulaste no?, ya pues un año te dieron, asi que empiezas el lunes".

Ay! la Kinky emocionada se sacó los guantes (que esos sí eran bonitos, esos de jardinería que siempre vienen en color pastel) y me dirijo con mi sonrisa de ceja a codo a mi jefa, y le dije pes' que me iba, era jueves. "Tengo que irme ahorita al resort a completar unos datos, ya no me puedo quedar a terminar el día" y me puse a llamar a todos los amigos que tengo acá y les conté y me emocioné, y peleé con Landon, y luego me amisté y le conté. Y llamé a mi mamá, y me dijo: "ahhhh... ya pues" emocionadísima ella...
La verdad es que siento que tengo suerte, he sabido de gente que les han negado las extensiones y tienen tantas ganas de quedarse que se vuelven "ilegales" y viven re mal. Yo no, lo que me da miedo de vivir acá ilegalmente es que capaz un día cruzando la pista un carro me atropella y me muero, o tal vez alguno de esos chibolos que tienen pistolas se va a poner a disparar como loco y me mata, o quizas algún borracho me patea en el bus porque no le gusta mi cara no mas pes'... Y ME MUERO Y DE AHI?? nadie sabe quien chucha soy, a la policia le va a llegar al pincho que este muerta y nadie se va enterar que me he muerto. Ay no! que horror! mejor tener tu pasaporte al día no mas, y pagar tus impuestos, que es una mierda, pero ya pes'.

Así que los Steits tiene Kinky para rato, y como diría el Nono: "PA EEEEEEEEEEEENTCH..."

Planes futuros:

-Seguir bajando de peso :D

-Mudarme a California (por un año)

-Conseguir novio (relacion estable y madura)

-Empezar mi terapia de psicoanálisis

-Con el tiempo irme a vivir a Nueva York (pero eso ya es a largo plazo)

Anoche me he emborrachado sola frente a mi notebook escuchando Pink, he llamado a mis amigos en Chile, me he enterado de chismes, he llorado de emoción cuando Ana me contestó, me he reído demasiado hablando con mi hermana que está en Holanda. Ayer también estuve en el gym, pero no monté bicicleta. No he fumado pito en casi una semana y me siento re bien en mi trabajo, algo bruta por lo del trainning y tanta cosa que aprender, pero igual, retador, bonito.

Vail Vail Vail Vail!!!!!!!!

...in my bones!!!!!!!!!!!

How did this happened?
I have to make record of this, write, somethig!!
I really feel I was living a dream, that's what happens when somebody much younger and totally lost in life knocks on your door.
With this guy things started so easy... just a game, texting, calling, I don't know, pure bullshit!
Suddenyl it was impossible for me to go to sleep without knowing where he was, months after it was impossible for me to go to bed without him NEXT TO ME!!
He is not what I need!! but I have become "needy" somehow, I love him, but he's horrible to me.
Why when I talked about the things that happen between us people say "he's awfull to me"??
He is not awfull to me when we are together!.
At the beggining of course you try to make things work, you try to close your eyes and say: "well... he's immature, he'll come around and notice he has no maners" but when time passes by you realize that it wasn't the maners what was wrong. Maybe I'm too used to guys that always took care of me, guys like Forty who got mad when I didn't ask him to take me to the border with Peru when we were in Chile and I was moving away. Guys like Alf that walked long distances just to pick me up from parties because I was too drunk to know where the hell I was, guys like "J", yeah!! "J", that somehow he SOMETIMES showed me he cared a little, don't ask me how, because obviously I can't remember, maybe when he used to buy me presents when he was travelling around the world with his stupid job. I don't know.
When you love somebody Pi mentioned once it's like a drug, you said "just a bit more and that's it" but now I feel like "a little bit more" is not possible!!, I feel like a little bit more is saying: "yessss, keep treating me like shit that I'll be there all the time, take me for granted!!". I can't keep doing this, I'm gonna be thirty years old anytime soon, and the last time he said to me was: "don't waste time with me" :'(

Somemhow all I can think now is that thing that Pi just wrote about this girl; and how she kissed his hand and how he wanted to give her an answer when she asked "which actor would you be?", and of course he said he'd like to be Mister Pink from RESERVOIR DOGS... here is just an example so you can understand how stupid I feel. I remember the first time this kid called me and told me he'd come pick me up so we can "hang out", and then we smoked some weed and watched "RESERVOIR DOGS".
I'm broken, I'm drunk, I'm jaded...
I'm listenig too much of RADIOHEAD.
I'm missing his smell, I sleep holding the pants he left here, I feel them, I need him...

I don't want to be crippled cracked
Shoulders, wrists, knees and back
Ground to dust and ash
Crawling on all fours
When you've got to feel it in your bones
Now I can't climb the stairs
Pieces missing everywhere
Prozak painkillers
When you've got to feel it in your bones
And I used to fly like peter pan
All the children flew when I touched their hands
When you've got to feel it in your bones

...oh my God you're weird...!

... why did you leave me Landon??

:'(

If someone said three years from now

You'd be long gone

I'd stand up and punch them out

Cause they're all wrong and

That last kiss

I'll cherish

Until we meet again

And time makes

It harder I wish I could remember

But I keep

Your memory

You visit me in my sleep

My darling

Who knew

My darling

My darling

Who knew

My darling

I miss you

My darling

Who knew

La Revolución de la Cuchara

Tengo una hermana vegetariana y muy espiritual; yo, como siempre lo digo como carne pero estoy en contra del abuso hacia los animales. Ahora que lo pienso eso es, definitivamente, una contradicción obvia y hasta ignorante.

Trataré de llevarme mejor con los animales y ya no comérmelos tanto, porque luego de ver este video antes de dormir anoche he tenido unos sueños que, sinceramente, no se los deseo a nadie.



No creen que en verdad somos unos malditos!!!!

:'(

The Cure, Landon y la carretera

Anoche he ido a uno de los concierto a los que siempre quize ir, THE CURE, habia comprado el boleto marzo pasado, aca en Estados Unidos tienes que comprar los boletos miles de años luz antes de que sea la fecha del concierto porque se acaban muy rapido.

Realmente fue un buen espectaculo, ahi estaba Robert Smith todo lindo y gordito el. El concierto fue en un sitio que se llama Red Rocks, y esta rodeado de rocas rojas es como estar en el Gran Cañon. Eavynn no quería llega muy temprano porque dice que hacía mucho viento, si yo hubiera tenido auto me hubiera ido a dormir al pie de aquellas montañas con tal de no perderme ni un poquito de la prueba de sonido que fue a medio dia y me contaron que era una juerga brutal.

En este sitio te dejan fumar marihuana y emborracharte mientras vez al cantante de tu preferencia. Y en el estacionamiento, antes de escalar las miles de escaleras hacia la entrada, hay miles de carros con sus puertas traseras abiertas algunos prendieron sus parrillas y comían choripanes mientras tomaban una cerveza y tenian de fondo musica del grupo.

Fue algo espectacular, aunque llegar nos costó un poco, mi amiga no me dijo que no tenia idea como llegar así que en medio camino me dijo: "oe negra tu sabes donde es no??", a mí casi me da el soponsio porque ya eran las 5 de la tarde y la cosa era estar antes de las 7 y media que era la hora del concierto.

Pero bueno Landon me llamó por teléfono y aproveché para que me diera los datos necesarios, él como antiguo y oriundo ciudadano de acá de Colorado. Claro que en medio de la conversa me preguntó si todo estaba bien, "karen tu eres felíz conmigo?". Yo creo que no soy la persona mas expresiva del planeta en cuanto a situaciones amorosas se refiere, pero él tampoco lo es, y nos hemos acostumbrado, creo yo, a no mostrarnos afecto alguno.

Lo que pasa es que estuve toda la semana con una "flu" en la huata que casi me mata, nunca en mi vida ni en mis peores resacas haba vomitado y cagado tanto en tan pocos dias. Toda esta semana no vi a mi "boyfriend", toda esta semana estuve algo deprimida porque cuando estas enferma y lejos de casa se te vienen esas ganas de que la persona que siempre se acuesta contigo por las noches este contigo y te sobe la barriguita. Landon prefirió irse a emborrachar con sus amigos.

Luego estuve pensando en la pregunta que me hizo este espécimen americano mientas Robert Smith cantaba "yes, is not my fault, I couldn't ever love you more" en el CD que le quemé a Eavynn para que tenga alguna idea de que The Cure no solo canta "Love Song" o "Boys don't cry". Creo que concluí en que es posible que sí quiera algo más; aún cuando Landon me dice que me ama y que me ama mucho.

Al comienzo hemos entrado a ver los asientos para ubicarnos bien y fue una indignación descubrir que teníamos que quedarnos muy muy lejos del escenario, pero Kinky esperó tres canciones solamente y de ahi... bueno pues pesqué del ala a mi amiga la gringa y le dije: "HERE?? no way" y nos pusimos a caminar entre la gente hasta estar casi lamiendole el sudor a los artistas.

Ha sido genial tener a este grupo cantando y bailando tan cerca, creo que cuando vea a MADONA en noviembre y a los Rolling Stones antes de que alguno se me muera voy a poder morir tranquila. Este concierto fue perfecto, salvo algunos detalles técnicos como aquel guardio de sguridad que me botaba de todo sitio cuando quería grabar algunos videos. "You again!! come on, come back to your sit!!!!" me decía mientras incluso en la oscuridad le veia la vena a punt de explotarle en la frente. Pa' que tan furioso digo yo??

Y bueno... este es el video ganador porque creo que jamás en mi vida habia pensado ver a Robertito bailando para mí, y siendo lindo, mientras cantaba CLOSE TO ME!!!!

el mail...

Yo sé que estoy loca y, pese a que muchas veces sigo pensando que pelear y volverme salvaje de rabia por razones totalmente sin importancia van a llevar mi relación a un punto duradero... es raro poderse encontrar con alguien que esta dispuesto a aguantar ese pequeño detalle en mí que estoy tratando de mejorar. Es muy difícil y cabe la posibilidad de que me dejen botada en cualquier momento.
Pero cuando me llegan este tipo de mails tengo que reconocer que se calman las lavas de mi ser, dentro muy dentro, y me vuelvo totalmente estupida y vulnerable.

Me cago de miedo!!!

RE: ...‏
De: Landon
Enviado: martes, 08 de abril de 2008 02:57:31 p.m.
Para: Karen

Karen, Just read this! I really did not mean to hurt your feelings in any way at the bar the other night. I had no intentions of flirting with any other girls. Sure I was dancing but so were you. I didn't even know you had left until after I texted you. Anyways, I just think it would be a bad decision for you to leave because of me. I was just starting to really like you and I think we could have a lot of good times together in the future. When you left the other night I was angry because I felt like you just wanted me to chase after you and I also felt like I didn't do anything wrong. I never talked to anybody or flirted with anybody. I am sorry for the shitty things I said to you but you also said some pretty shitty things to me. If you want to leave for other reasons I understand and there isn't anything I can do about that. But don't leave because of me. I miss you and there is something I wanted to give you. If you give us another chance I know things will be great! Let me know what you decide to do. Feel free to call me whenever you want to. I'm not better off without you Karen!

LOVE STINKS!!!!!

Odio a todo el mundo en este momento, no puedo creer que un puto malentendido me ha arruinado por completo.

I'm never gonna be happy.... definately this thing called LOVE is gonna make me cry, again and again...

as one...

These winter nights will be gone tomorrow, my long walks under the snow will be over. Maybe meeting somebody wasn’t a good idea, I feel like I’m bleeding inside the hell of his head. The seeds of his sick charm keep growing in my heart; maybe I’m just living strongly deep at dawn when I see his warm body besides me.

The next day is dark, red like fire, bullshit feelings wandering around my existence, his poisoned hands take me away from the light into the obscure tears of my wounded mouth. His magic turns unknown but nothing is new at the same time. From the lightening to the darkness, his eyes kill me; from the darkness to the lightening, his unreal love is twisted.

I’m breathing, I’m drunk, I’m dying, I’m still living…why am I still alive?

I can see what he can´t, whether I want it or not he is a part of me already; he may even be stuck to my flesh, that’s what he can’t see. The things he says, the things he does, all is wrong, I’m in hell. The lovers I’ve had, the waste of time, the drama, sad endings.

I feel like getting away, I feel like knowing what is happening in places where I haven’t been before, I feel like not knowing and to take at once. What I ask from him and what he can’t give, those things that stay being just a try.

Everything is about to blow up in my face all the time. I can´t look into his eyes no more, I feel like lying, I’m burning inside, our passion is chasing us but fading away into the infinity. Am I going too fast?, am I going anywhere?, my life is nonsense.

This is all good, this is all bad. I’m falling, I’ve lost faith, I’m hurt, I need something new, people to talk to, someone to listen to, I need to open that door, I need to find him. No more pain, I don’t need more pain just a soul far away to be as one, together as one.

...TREASURE

I have been reading this book for a long time already, whenever I take the bus I open it and there she is, Floreana having these sexual fantasies about this jaded and brokenhearted doctor who doesn’t want to know anything about relationships and falling in love and that kind of things. But when she describes the way he looks at her I’m pretty sure he feels something too.
Sometimes people do that, we pretend, and we make the rest of the world to believe that we are hurt, that we don’t want any of that. For guys to have a relationship means to be attached to a person who is gonna tell them not to do things and boss you around, while for me (that I am a girl, but we all know I’m not THAT kind of girl) to have a boyfriend has become a challenge by now.
Pleasure and good company have came to my life these days, the sun rises every morning and he is next to me; the guy, the new one, a younger one. That one who is looking for nothing; the one who doesn’t know much about anything; the one that makes me stroll around those aisles in my mind that were all neglected and dusted.
Sometimes I say to myself that I’m going nowhere, but seeing him playing with his dog or just to feel him caressing my head while I have my eyes closed laying naked in bed, it just feels right. It’s been a while since I’m not around here, since I don’t feel, since I don’t think I can make up my mind to run after his smell, to awake my feelings one more time.
Walking by the paths full covered with snow, listening to Dylan singing out loud in my headphones, looking for the sun to die today. Just not knowing anything has become okey, all I wonder know is if I’m gonna be able to hate again...like yesterday.
Hate me a little bit and then come back to myself and deal with all the bullshit that is hanging in my thoughts, if I have found a treasure then I may open it just to close it again quickly because I know I’m running out of time already, and so is he.
Let’s talk about the things I’ve seen when drifting away alone before in my life, all my stories. I wanna be listened though I don’t know how to talk; somehow it doesn’t sound like a good idea anymore. Run off the door again, book a flight to nowhere. If he’s decided to open that treasure, now I’m not sure if I want it. I’m running out of time. (...hush now, don’t tell me what you’ve seen, just let me drift away again...).

my valentine... tuve mi valentine!!

Esta haciendo un clima muy bonito hoy, tanto que ya no me han dado ganas de seguir metida en la cama, este clima se viene dando hace ya tres dias, creo que este es el cuarto dia de sol, lo que es lindo pero a la vez me da miedo por que ya luego no mas dicen que se viene la ola de frio, la helada, más nieve y será ahí cuando empieze a odiar todo de nuevo.

Ayer ha sido el día de San Valentin, el cual nunca se me ha dado por celebrar. Acá en los esteits es algo difícil no celebrar este día porque es recontra popular, todas las calles son rojas, los cables de luz tienen colgadas cajitas de carton en forma de corazón y en los supermercados todo es rojito y rosadito y venden bombones y globos y hay miles de millones de tarjetas de todos los tamaños y con los mensajes mas locos que se puedan imaginar.

Yo, el miercoles tuve que ir al Walmart para hacer shopping y me traje un caja con unos quequitos que tenian una crema roja encima y la palabra amorsrsrsrs en un plastiquito, pensé que sería un lindo de detalle para ponerlo en la cama de las chicas con las que vivo. Es que me tuvieron toda la semana transmitiendo con eso de que no tienen un valentine, que estaban tristes, y otra de ellas se puso depre porque se dio cuenta que luego de más de un mes acá realmente hecha de menos a su novio que esta en Argentina esperando por ella.

Cuando estaba ayer en el trabajo ellas me han llamado para decirme que les gustó el detalle :D y, cuando llegué a casa dos de ellas tenian citas, estaban arreglandose; Eyven, que es americana, decidió por fin decirle que sí al chico que conoció por internet hae unos meses así que tuvieron una cita a ciegas. Cuando la vino de buscar yo abrí la puerta y tenía cara de ser muy buen tipo, así de esos chicos que no le ves maldad alguna en es rostro, así que tuvo mi aprobación.

Alexandra es brasilera, a ella la llamo un chico que le gusta hace mucho tiempo pero este hijo de los mil demonios sólo la llama cuando sucumbe aquella necesidad carnal; en fin, ella sólo quería un valentine NO UN PRINCE CHARMING que se ha ido a comer sushi con este degenerete. Sofi hablo por horas con su novio en Tucumán, y mientras yo me hacía una sopa RAMEN con sabor a camarones me ha sonado el teléfono... mmmmm...

Me ha dado mucha risa cuando me preguntó: so... d'you want me to be your valentine or what?, como ven el romanticismo le desagua por lo poros. Tiene 22 años y me contó que no llamó antes porque estaba metido en líos con la policía y justo cuando habíamos quedado en salir hace unos días tuvo que ir a Denver porque tenía un juicio en su contra, realmente alentador, un bad boy, justo lo que me hace falta XD

En fin, he tenido mi día de San Valentín (pero este fue mas bien un "Levantín) tomamos Grolsch y vimos Reservoir Dogs, su perra Bunny estaba sentada entre los dos y cada vez que él intentaba tocarme la pierna o algo así ella me hacía de esos ruidos que no me simpatizan.

Yo creo que esta mañana cuando me ha traido de vuelta a mi casa a mí sí me bajo el romanticismo, he abierto el libro de la Mastreta que se llama "Arráncame la vida" y me he puesto a leer el final mientras escucho Turandot de Puccini (sí! me gusta la opera, y algún día veré Miss Saygon en BROADWAY).

No he podido encontrar a mi querido Giacomo cantando su Nessun Dorma, pero este tio es igual re famoso XD

FELIZ DÍA DE SAN VALENTÍN...!!!

You are my best friend

Fanática de QUEEN, esta es la cancion que me hace recordarte; recordar que eres tú el mejor ejemplo de mujer y de madre, de amiga y de amante. La vida a veces nos sofoca, es como que nos aprieta el pecho bien bien fuerte y solo tenemos ganas de salir corriendo, pero no estás sola, yo estoy aquí y mamá esta allá. Estamos lejos pero estamos juntas.

Sé que ultimamente las cosas estan duras, pero tienes dos razones importantes para seguir adelante; cuando ellos sean grandes y estes orgullosa de ellos, o sólo cuando te miren a los ojos y te digan que te aman verás que todo ha pasado. Verás que todo ha valido la pena.

Un temperamento fuerte, intempestivo, impulsivo y lleno de furia no siempre nos va servir, pero bueno: "better said than done", y hay que aguantarse; siempre has sido la más inteligente, la cuerda, la sobria. Demuestranos siempre que eres la mejor de las cuatro. Después de todo eres la más grande.

A pesar que siempre estoy por todo lado no dejo de pensar que, no importa a cuanta gente conozca en mi vida, tu eres la mejor amiga que podría jamás haber tenido. Hecho de menos esas noches tirada a los pies de tu cama tan sólo observandote ser una mamá, una mamá a la que le ha tocado recorrer su vida por el trecho mas jodido, pero eres fuerte y eso me hace admirarte.

Siempre me llena de rabia ver tu pasado lleno de triunfos y compararlo con un presente agoviante; un presente que te da alegrias pero que a la vez te inquieta. Te mereces mucho más de lo que tienes, te mereces más reconocimiento, te mereces más abrazos, te mereces más viajes, te mereces MÁS, solo eso.

Tu sabes que aún existo, sabes que estoy acá para tí, y lo poco que soy he podido construirlo gracias a tí. Te amo a tí, amo lo que tienes y adoro a tus cachorros, que sé que tambien son míos ya que simplemente las esperanzas de que vengan los propios estan cada vez más lejanas.

Quiero verte empezar de nuevo, quiero verte ir lejos, quiero verte sonreir cuando recuerdes que todo lo que vas a hacer tendra frutos, lamentablemente el sacrificio viene primero. Yo por mi parte voy a rezar (que no lo hago nunca), y aunque mi fe este en coma, voy a rezar, porque cuando uno realmente quiere algo con todas sus fuerzas, tu me enseñaste que "todas las energías del universo confabulan para que aquello se haga realidad".

y sí... este video es para tí, porque YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND!!!!

Si pudieras ser un pájaro qué harías??

Hay tantas veces que he estado mirando desde muy alto, muy alto y siento ganas de saltar. Haciendo snowboarding el otro dia con la Ale, nos hemos subido a lift, que son unos cochecitos que te suben hasta lo mas alto de la montaña cubierta de nieve para que te puedas tirar con tu tabla y así llegar hasta abajo para volver a subir.

Cuando estuve en Lima hize parapente, pero definitivamentever lo blanco y tan blanco que es la nieve, lo infinito de su blanco me hizo pensar que volar debe ser muy bacán, volar sobre la nieve digo po', incluso más paja que volar sobre el mar, y por encima de LARCOMAR.

La nieve me puso triste ese dia, pero tanto dolor que tenía en el cuerpo por las caidas me hacia como olvidarlo.

Este video esta dedicado para todos, los que como SHO!, quieren volarsrssrrs...

Nota Mental: salir a bailar los sabados por la noche en vez de quedarme en cama escuchando Catupecu Macho pensando tanta mierda junta

estos chinos!!!

Kinky y los TAXES..TAXES TAXES para todo!!

Colorado was warm today; Vail was warm today and I was happy, I have realized I definitely don’t like cold weathers. I was so happy when I was in Aruba or in Puerto Rico, complaining about the hot weather and not being able to walk without the sweat dripping down from your forehead but that’s exactly what I need now. The snow is driving me crazy.
My job is ok, the ladies I work with are every time more approachable and, I even started to have “conversations” with them, this situations you can picture them, mostly, with me nodding and smiling; and them complaining about how poor they are, or how much work they have, or how the boos doesn’t want to send the contract to Mexico for that nephew that lives in Parral that really needs an opportunity because he likes drinking too much.
As you can see I have nothing in common with this people and it hurts! Those conversations in my ears physically HURT. Most of them are nice, but there are things you just dislike, or try to put up with, as kind as you can. The fact that they don’t pay taxes is really freaking me out; for me half of my poor pay checks goes to taxes. Most of these ladies now are making more money than me; live in places much more cheaper than here where I live and THEY COMPLAIN.
You can say, well Kinky is complaining for nothing, you might by now be actually thinking that ME, as a legal hard-working American resident have some advantages compare to these people, well NOOOOO..I don’t, my insurance I paid it in Peru, it cost me a fortune and will last for the season that I have my current contract, as soon as it finishes I’ll be forced to pay like 100US for my health insurance that will be, of course, taken out from my poor pay check again, plus the usual taxes that I pay now.
In the place that I live I have no commodities yet, because of course I have to pay for them, besides my high price rent every month I realized I’ll be needing my internet (40US), my cable TV (30US), my land-line (50US) and, the cards for my mobile so I can text my friends back in Chile or Peru (or call guys that are totally not worth it when I get drunk on a Friday night).
In the meantime those people at work, they pay like 300US for an apartment where they usually live with 12 other people (make the maths), they have amazing TV theaters at home they brought from El Paso where, of course they don’t pay taxes. Sure they pay cable TV (sharing it out among all of the families in the house). They have internet because one pays the bill in the block while the rest just gives this person a little amount of money monthly so they can use the WI-FI or however it is they get connected.
The cost of living for them is so cheap; I feel so jealous sometimes I guess working “under the table” would be the perfect way to make money and travelling and do all the things that I want to do. But it’s just not me, everywhere I have been before I was living by the rules, under the law, all good and nice Kinky paid taxes and retirement insurance and all that shit. Maybe that’s the reason why I’m poor huh?.
Anyway, I have been offered by now the way to make money, don’t pay taxes and have a very relax working time: BABY SITTING… ok I know, taking care of other people’s kids may not be the way you guys have picture me before but, I have to give it a try, and as soon as I feel like killing a baby I promise I’ll quit right away. But who knows, I may even like it.
Today I found somebody on the MSN, he made me listen to a song called HALLELUJAH… or something like that; now I think I prefer Jeff Buckley’s version and I liked him too (what a cutty). Anyway, today while I was in the bus I got to listen to it really carefully and I guess he sings to a girl, or maybe to something he figured out made his life brighter and happier, I wish I had something to make my life brighter and happier. Who knows?, maybe baby sitting.

XD