Monday, November 24, 2008

Trying to find THE BALANCE!!! :-O

Puedes estar bien por dentro pero mal por fuera... llegué a esa conclusion sabes?, hay días en los que abro los ojos y todo me sale bien, no tengo sueño cuando salgo de la cama, me siento revitalizada con el baño caliente, el bus viene a la hora y de un modo u otro tengo una sonrisa en la cara todo el tiempo durante ese dia en particular. Pero no estoy feliz, creo que no.
Apago mi teléfono para no darme cuenta que nunca suena. Cuando veo a las chicas hablando por telefono me acuerdo cuando Landon me llamaba por telefono a mí, cuando nos quedábamos hablando mucho rato mientras yo limpiaba la casa, o mientras el se comía un sandwich del SUB WAY.
La nieve llegó de nuevo y el unico recuerdo que tengo es de las cosas que viví cuando lo conocí en una noche de nieve y de mucho frio, recuerdo aquel futón en el que dormimos, recuerdo que nunca pude decir su nombre la noche en que nos conocimos, como pueden apreciar, puras weadas!
El trabajo es mas interesante y tolerable cada día; de repente la gente dejó de venir, de repente dejaron de haber reservaciones, de repente el hotel quedó vacío, recesión decian todos, y yo no tenía ida de lo que hablaban, yo pensé que era una temporada baja no más. La ignoracia me embarga, ya no leo los diarios y ya no LEO! hay miles de películas que quiero ver y no tengo un cine cerca.

Mental Note: Sometimes Vail is really frustrating! :'(




See, I'm not insane, in fact I'm kind of rational...

When I be askin', "Yo, where did all the passion go?"




Friday, November 14, 2008

... 5 points make a fist


Well this is me, lonely me, waking through the snow one more time, one more year, listening to my mp3 playing some hip-hop shit I can't stop listening.

Life is good, I've been very busy though in the resort the flow of guests is pretty slow. I don't go out that much anymore, I shut off my phone so I kind of lost my social life, but I'm getting used to be my myself, no more parties in my house, I had my crazy days I had my fun now is time to catch up with my reading and my writting.

My schedule is fine, I get to walk at night a couple of miles until the transportation center, once there I sit and wait for my bus everynight at around 11:30 p.m. I look at the people, I imagine their lives, I smell the mexican construction workers, I smile at young american guys wearing their hoodies and their pants around their butts.

My "therapist" is helping me, I make my "homeworks", I read what he tells me to read, I try to understand I need a change. Music helps me, I've always loved music, I'm very eclectic when it comes to it. Like right now I'm having a mix of PORTISHEAD and ATMOSPHERE, or was so into ELTON JOHN and then I suddenly felt like SLIPKNOT.

I write home more often, I call mum whenever I have the chance, I try to make it at least once a week but sometimes I get too homesick, it's been almost a year since the last time I hug my mother, almost a year since I got to lay on her bed and feel so safe! Strange feeling I always miss those things, from mi ex, from my sisters, is weird to feel helpless.

It'll be THANKSGIVING DAY really soon, I've never celebrated that holyday before so it will be fun, is a time to be greatful they say, I'm gonna have to say what I am greatful for, that will be a lot of thinking, I guess the most important thing to say thank you for will be my friends. I'm far from home which I hate when holydays come and my ex boyfriend thinks I'm some kind of pervert psycopath who had planned to ruin his life somehow.

When you try to realize what is wrong about you is not necessary to see yourself in the mirror, all you need is to notice that when you hurt somebody is time to say "stop and start over". Karma freaks me out due to this kind of things, but he'll get over it, right? In the meantime rage has replace love, which seems a good title for a hip-hop song.






... and everyone in his life would mistake it as love

Monday, November 03, 2008

LATE, FATE, MATE

World is world to live in it,
I am me to be myself,
you are you to be yourself,
I am here to do what I want,
You are here to do what you want,
I am not here to please you,
you are not here to please me,
world wanted us to bump into each other,
fate is wonderful when you go with it,
fate is horrible when I decided to be myself,
fate is what it is if we are not together...

God damn you feelings that smother me,
I live and I love... both won't let me think,
I look up to the sky and my life has no sense,
living is hell just as when I was with you,
but now I am cold 'cuz you have left.
INTENSA.