FOR YOU...

...solo estoy atada a un sentimiento...

Is my party and I cry if I want to!!!!!

Well one more birthday, one more year, one more party where I ended up all wasted and happy to be sorrounded by people that are really worth it.

Theme parties are no so popular where I come from but it was amazing to name my party: "THE REVENGE OF THE NERDS". I had such a great time; it all started aroung 7 p.m. on Saturday, I had a long day at work, I was hating the world because the weather forecast said it was gonna be the first nigh with snow of the winter season, and we all know by now I HATE WINTERS in Vail.

The moment I got home I lighted up a joint and went to bed, I needed a nap desperately, suddenly after an hour I was woken up by a group of crazy girls jumping on my bed all dressed up in nerdy ourfits, it was so funny, but stillI was looking like hell with bags under my eyes and awful breath.

Once I got ready as nerdy as I could get, my friend Eavynn gave me a tiara! I love tiaras! so I put it on and started with the fun party. We had nerdy music, we had lots of drinks and of course and made all of them smoke joints.

Later on at night I was a little upset because my friend Rachel said she'll be done with work by 6 p.m. but it was late already and she wasn't there, I was kind of sad but when she arrived she had a big surprise for me. MY HELLO KITTY CAKE! it was so wonderfull, so we sang Happy Birthday, they all made fun of me for singing in spanish.

Nos hemos divertido mucho, nos hemos tomado fotos y nos hemos alistado mas o menos cerca de la medianoche para poder empezar la celebracion de mi cumpleaños, pese a que muchos ya habiamos tirado la toalla y estabamos en estado comatoso.
Realmente no recuerdo mucho lo que sucedio anoche pero sé que la hemos pasado muy bien, y como yo tenia puesta esa corona de princesa todos me decian Happy Birthday en la calle, recuerdo que fuimos a un bar donde se estaban celebrando algo asi como 5 cumpleaños. Parece que esta semana es la semana de parir. Un amigo del trabajo tuvo a su bebe el miercoles pasado, un LIBRA mas para el mundo.

En los videos que vi a la mañana siguiente, cuando abri los ojos y estaba tirada en mi cama con mis zapatos puestos y mi corona colgandome a un lado de la cara, he podido apreciar las cosas mas inusuales, como por ejemplo SHOOO!! besandome con Clint que tiene 21, caminando al rededor del bar con mis pantalones chorreados de trago, acercándome a gente extraña y decirles: TONIGHT I'M WEARING THE TIARA OK?.

He sabido tambien por ahí, que proclame tener 18 años, que me peleé con un gringa sonsa por empujarme, que pretendí prender un troncho dentro de una disco, y bueno... mi celular estaba lleno de llamadas perdidas y llamadas realizadas de las cuales no me siento orgullosa.

You never can tell how lucky you are until your birthday comes and; even though you are depressed for the fact that you are 28 now, that you are not a bit closer to make a commitment with pretty much anything; but somehow on the day you were born your house is full of people dressing like idiots just because you wanted to, giving you presents just because you asked for it, and making you feel special in spite of your crazyness and your passive-agressive fucked up personality on a snowy night like the night when I first got here and I was alone.

THANK YOU NERDS!

you made me very happy!

:'(

... the whole wide world just to find him...

Sometimes when I have nothing to do I like to listen to my music sickly loud with my headphones, and I cry, I cry for feeling lonely, even when I was with Landon I used to cry for being lonely, I cry for wanting things, I cry for not being at home, I cry for not having money. Crying is a very important part in my life, the good thing is that I do it when I'm by myself so nobody has to say I'm a wuss or stuff like that.

When you have nobody to call, when you have nobody to miss your life seems to have no sense, even when work fulfills you, even when you have good friends; but still is like something is missing. I don't know if I came to America to find the guy of my dreams, I found Landon, who turned out to be my worst nigthmare, but he was fun. Not the guy of my dreams though.

I do have dreams about him, I dream that we see each other again, I dream that we bump into each other in the middle of a crowded street in Denver and we have a decent normal conversation. Some other dreams have to do with being together again. I dream that I tell him we need to go away, far from here, so we rent a U-HAUL little truck and put all our stuff inside and start driving to New York or some exciting city like that.

I have to take the bus everymorning at 5 a.m. and so many things go through my mind in the almost 6 blocks have to walk in the dark with my music in my ears and cold as hell, now that fall is taking over the short summer, I feel I won't be able to make it here alone one more winter.

If you are reading this, all I have to say is that I'm so sorry for what I did, Im sorry I broke your heart, and if you ever want to go away with me, I'll be waiting for you, not as your lover but just as a friend.

Maybe if I keep travelling I'll be able to not to get so crazy when I'm about to fall hard for somebody, I know next year will bring a bunch of new stuff for me, Europe is waiting for me, I don't know what I will do, but lets just say that I'm eager to go the whole wide world just to find him.

:)

...just to find out where they hide him...