... the whole wide world just to find him...

Sometimes when I have nothing to do I like to listen to my music sickly loud with my headphones, and I cry, I cry for feeling lonely, even when I was with Landon I used to cry for being lonely, I cry for wanting things, I cry for not being at home, I cry for not having money. Crying is a very important part in my life, the good thing is that I do it when I'm by myself so nobody has to say I'm a wuss or stuff like that.

When you have nobody to call, when you have nobody to miss your life seems to have no sense, even when work fulfills you, even when you have good friends; but still is like something is missing. I don't know if I came to America to find the guy of my dreams, I found Landon, who turned out to be my worst nigthmare, but he was fun. Not the guy of my dreams though.

I do have dreams about him, I dream that we see each other again, I dream that we bump into each other in the middle of a crowded street in Denver and we have a decent normal conversation. Some other dreams have to do with being together again. I dream that I tell him we need to go away, far from here, so we rent a U-HAUL little truck and put all our stuff inside and start driving to New York or some exciting city like that.

I have to take the bus everymorning at 5 a.m. and so many things go through my mind in the almost 6 blocks have to walk in the dark with my music in my ears and cold as hell, now that fall is taking over the short summer, I feel I won't be able to make it here alone one more winter.

If you are reading this, all I have to say is that I'm so sorry for what I did, Im sorry I broke your heart, and if you ever want to go away with me, I'll be waiting for you, not as your lover but just as a friend.

Maybe if I keep travelling I'll be able to not to get so crazy when I'm about to fall hard for somebody, I know next year will bring a bunch of new stuff for me, Europe is waiting for me, I don't know what I will do, but lets just say that I'm eager to go the whole wide world just to find him.

:)

...just to find out where they hide him...

I don't wanna live like that...

you fooling around with my feelings has been too hard on me :(
just listen to my voice, I ain't got something nice to say to you now,
you wanna hug me, you wanna love me and you want to touch me,
but just when you feel like to, and no when I WANT TO!!

It's so difficult for me to stay out of trouble lately... Not that I look for it but for some reason I keep making myself so so happy and then so so sad. Maybe I need to go from one extreme to the other to live my life. Anyhow I guess this time I'm about to fall again and I have realized I need to keep myself away from cute bouncers all covered in tatoos and funy accent, even more when I know for a fact he is a "whore" and he has a girlfriend, and he calls me only when he wants to, and yes, believe it or not, it breaks my heart because I think we could be perfect together!

For the last week my rutine has become work, gym, reading, walking and BOUNCER. And I now is wrong and I know I need to stop it, but is hard. Is hard to say no when is 10 in the morning and I'm riding the bus to work listening to the Foo Fighters playing out loud on my ears "... a little bit of resooooooooooooolve is what I need now, pin me down, show me hoooooooooooow...". I wish I knew how to say NO, but in days like today, when you go to work and they send you home, so finally you are forced to walk all the way back because the bus won't come for another hour, and then BOUNCER offers a ride, I can't say no!

Is terrible to realized how obssesed you can become when you know somebody else is gonna marry the one who is suppoused to be YOUR husband...

SOUTH PARK cartoons

LOL

my friend made this for me, I still have serious aprehensions due to the hair style I've been given, but let's say this is pretty much how I look...

I'm aparently screaming "death to Landon"

...and I wonder...

if everything could ever feel this real forever

if anything could ever be this good again...

ME ME ME!!!

I'm not sarcastic, I'm hilarious...
I'm not annoying, I'm just cooler than you...
I'm not a bitch, I just don't like you...
I'm not obssesed, I'm just MY best friend!!

...ya ni sé donde diantres encontré esto, pero estaba escrito en una pared, cool huh??

...I'm a troublemaker... never been a faker...

So here I am, 2 in the morning trying to get some sleep. I was suppoused to have a date tonight, M is just so complicated, poor guy. I've always thought of myself as the screwed-up one, you know? the one that has so many things going on that nobody can ever get me! But M, he is just a lost case.

Cute as hell, he was staring at me one night I went out with "the girls", just that morning I had found out that my loving and, always little bit of a jerk boyfriend, was actually sleeping with other girls so I met M, there he was... eating a chesse burger, and after the eye contact, everything went just amazing. He is so sensitive, thoughtful, kind and with great manners, a gentleman. Why are all the good ones taken?

I can't even remember the first thing I said to him, but he does... "are you hungry?" he said I asked, what a floozy! Then he stayed with me the whole night and after a frisky situation in some restroom we came back to our friends and just talked and got to know each other, the next thing I knew he had just broken up with a girlfriend after a year of a relationship and, go figure! he is brokenhearted.

Considering myself a pretty lucky girl, for the guys who have fallen for me, I guess M was just too eager to have something going on, right away. Sometimes is very hard to get used to the fact that you are alone again, naturally. And as I always say, being alone is the best for so many things that, when you're with somebody you just try to make it work so bad, until finaly you get exhausted... so when you're by youself again you don't have the energy to feel better and be happy again (just at the begining).

I really hope M get his issues solved soon, I really like him, I felt really bad for not letting him into my life now, but maybe is like Sally said: "we're suppoused to be transitional people not THE ONE".

When you really feel like getting involved with somebody you need to be clean they say, no horrified memories from your ex, no crazy dreams where you are in the room while he's fucking other girls, no horny texting in the middle of a drunken night; what you need is having all your luggage really well packed and storage in that dark closet in the basement. I'm not there yet though... I just threw away his pictures yesterday (we've been apart for like a month now) and with the big frame that has a bunch of his dog's pictures, it was such a great work of art of mine that I feel sad about just tossing it out. I might need to do it soon too.

It was never my intention to get M all confused and sad, and actually when he came home to see me tonight, having all set up and perfect with some sushi and White Zinfandel, suddenly I started to talk about his ex and decided it was much better if he just left. I don't want any troubles I said.

"Well, if I can't get you off my mind ever since I met you, then you're a troublemaker girl" he said. :D


I'm a troublemaker
Never been a faker
Doin' things my own way
And never givin' up.
I'm a troublemaker
Not a doubletaker
I don't have the patience

to keep it on the up...

They say I need some rogaine to put in my hair

Work it out at the gym to fit my underwear

Oakley makes the shades to transform a tool

You'd hate for the kids to think that you've lost your cool

Imma do the things that i wanna do

I ain't got a thing to prove to you

I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans

Excuse my manners if i make a scene

I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like

I'm fine and dandy with the me inside

One look in the mirror and i'm tickled pink

I don't give a hoot about what you think

Everyone likes to dance to a happy song

with a catchy chorus and beat so they can sing along

Timbaland knows the way to reach the top of the charts

maybe if i work with him i can perfect the art

Imma do the things that i wanna do

I ain't got a thing to prove to you

I'll eat my candy with the pork and beans

Excuse my manners if i make a scene

I ain't gonna wear the clothes that you like

I'm fine and dandy with the me inside

one look in the mirror and i'm tickled pink

I don't give a hoot about what you think

No, I don't care

Mi rutina, sus textos y los Clash

Hace un par de semanas que me siento algo mejor, me gusta recordarlo y llorar en mi cama mientras veo nuestras fotos, pero la verdad es que es la necesidad de sentir algo no mas, no es nada que me detenga y no me deje salir, montar mi bicicleta, ir al gimasio, ir a mi trabajo que adoro!! e ncluso no es esa clase de sentimiento que te hace no tener ganas de conocer a nadie más.

Mi rutina se ha vuelto algo loca; en estas ultimas dos semanas he ido a muchas fiestas y gastado mucho dinero en ropa interior bonita, he optado (pese a que es verano) a no depilarme seguido y dejé de comer carne. Tuve un par de dramas huésped-recepionista que me dieron un "warning" y la amenaza de que si volvía a mandar a la mierda a un cliente me regresaba a dia siguiente a Perú.

Me levanto temprano en las mañanas para caminar hacia la parada de autobus, unas dos horas de que tenga que empezar mi turno (no manejar me esta hartando); a eso de las 6 a.m. hay muchas personas en la calle para mi gusto, a los gringos les gusta salir a trotar y caminar con sus perros, en Lima a esa hora ves a la gente saliendo de las discos o buscando otro punto para hacer el after-hour. En Arequipa a las 6 de la mañana todos se van del centro a Cayma a comer adobo y luego uno la sigue con unas chelas mañaneras en Arancota.

Nota Mental: Hecho de menos Perú!!!!!!!!!

He dejado de leer, es que siento que me hace falta poder terminar el libro que dejé en su departamento, TELEX FROM CUBA, estaba super bueno y como siempre iba a dormir a su casa decidí llevarlo y así cuando el se quedaba dormido yo me ponía a leer tirada en la alfombra junto a su perra Bonnie. Es increible las cosas que una extraña no?.

Si bien mis dias empiezan temprano debo decir que hago lo posible porque terminen tambien temprano, salgo del trabajo a eso de las 3 p.m. luego voy al gimnasio, voy a la piscina, nado mucho aunque sé que soy espantosa y luego monto las 5 millas de camino hacia mi casa, eso en kilometros será cuanto?... 2.5 kilómetros?... bueno pos' será el sereno pero es harto, y en las montañas uno va de arriba a abajo, en fin, es buen ejercicio. Al llegar a casa llamo a mi mamá, converso con mis roomates y cuando decido acostarme alguna llamada por teléfono me obliga a hacer mi jornada un poco más larga.

Hoy tengo el día libre e hize muchos planes, pero son casi las dos de la tarde y no me puedo levantar de la cama, la fiesta anoche estuvo muy buena. Recuerdo que en el invierno me gustaba ir a este bar mucho, iba sola y escuchaba música en vivo. Anoche estaba este chico de Arizona que cantaba con su guitarra canciones de Weezer, de Travis, de Placebo pero como si fueran country, ellos dicen que es "Folk", sé que suena horrible pero si estas parada en frente de él viendolo emborracharse y tocar como descosido te enamoras. Yo siempre he tenido eso algo que me atrae a los chicos que tienen algo de artistas, pero nunca nada se concretaba.

Anoche me regresé a casa sola a las 2 de la mañana en el bus, estaba medio volada y cuando me dieron ganas de vomitar me di cuenta que había tomado mucha cerveza, me puse mis audifonos y me encontré con que había cargado el soundtrack de JUNO en mi mp3. Sí! yo uso mp3, estoy totalmente en contra de esa mierda de I-phone, Blackberry, I-pod touch y tanta lecera que lo unico que harían sería complicarme la vida. A mí dame un celular que mande textos a otros países y un mp3 pa cargarle mis 120 canciones favoritas y estoy regia!. Tecnologías ahuevonadas a mí!

Una chica muy bonita se sentó a mi lado y me sonreía mucho, tenía un top verde strapless... Su pelo olía a coco y estaba tan destrozadamente ebria que me tocaba la pierna y me preguntaba cosas como: So? did you have fun tonight?. Are you from Rumania?. What music are you listening to?
.

A mí puede ser que se me vengan ideas extrañas con respecto a las chicas cuando ando en períodos de sequía pero nunca me he atrevido a violarme a ninguna, creo que me daría asco y sería raro. Pero aca las gringas se emborrachan y regalan el calzón a cualquiera, sea hombre, mujer, perro o alce.

Cuando llegué a casa luego de cruzar la cancha de golf en la oscuridad, oyendo a los chicos de The Clash y leyendo los textos de Landon preguntandome si estoy "naked" decidí fumarme otro joint y ver una película, asi que cogí mi cajita de kleenex y me tiré en el sofá a ver THE NOTEBOOK... jajajaja... le puse subtítulos y seguí oyendo música.

GO STRAIGT TO HELL BOY!!!!!!!

I WANNA GO HOME NOW!!!!!!!!!!

K: Can you imagine any other place you'd like to be right now?

L: What?... what are you talking about?

K: Nothing... forget it...

L: Where else would you like to be? if you wanna be somewhere else just say so!! ok?

K: ?

K: Aren't we lucky? aren't we lucky we have this?

L: What d'you mean?

K: ... to feel like this, being here...

L: ahhh... but what are we doing? just laying in bed?

A veces las peores diferencias que se pueden tener no sólo son el idioma o la cultura, lo peor que te puede pasar con alguien que amas es que trates de ser linda y le mandes comentarios que, si en su diminuto cerebro el pudiera entender, todo seria fantastico.

all for nothing... all for nothing...

I feel sad because I really loved.
I’m enraged because I gave away what I never thought I’d be able to get.
I feel pity because I know he still misses me,
I can tell by his voice resounding in my head.
What did I hope to gain confusing everything since the beginning…?,
fooling who loved me, or at least who was eager to try.
Now there are just poisoned traces, ashes that smother my life, my brain.
Why was I so afraid? Why not wanting him anymore?.
I can see him smiling at me, I can see him hating me.
Being caressed by him, my loss he says…
blaming him for no reason, my loss!.
Trying to find my basis to get away…
in an attempt to find my lost foundation
I kicked him aside trying to run far from here.
Just in case he feels like coming back
I left a gray cloud over our feelings,
hoping it keeps him away.
I left my heart next to the moon
knowing it will heal standing by the coldness.

We didn’t need to keep loving each other anymore.
We didn’t need to keep trying bringing to life a death body.
I believed in him, and I’d believe again…
because I know him, I know what he didn’t do,
I knew there was no reason to doubt,
I know what I did, and I know I had to.

I caused myself pain (I liked it),
our tears smashed the ground
like everything we had given up in the past
just to be together.

Now what’s left is just a body with somebody else’s smell.
Why was I so afraid?...
now I’m just a body wandering upon somebody else’s hands,
swimming in skin I need to make mine.

whErEs My PiLL!!!!!!!!

Where do we go from here...

The words are coming out all weird

Where are you now?

when I need you!!

Alone on an aeroplane

Fall asleep on against the window pane

My blood will thicken

I need to wash myself again

to hide all the dirt and pain

Cos I'd be scared that there's nothing underneath

But who are my real friends

Have they all got the bends

Am I really sinking this low

I think I'll get outta here...

where I can run just as fast as I can...

to the middle of nowhere...

to the middle of my frustrated fears..

and I swear, you're just like a pill...

instead of makin' me better,

you keep makin' me ill

you keep makin' me ill

you keep makin' me ill

you keep makin' me ill

I haven't moved from the spot where you left me

This must be a bad trip

All of the other pills, they were different

Maybe I should get some help!

... just brokenhearted... NATURALLY

MY ME TIME

Relationships...

There are those that open you up to something new and exotic,

those that are old and familiar,

those that bring up lots of questions,

those that bring you somewhere unexpected,

those that bring you far from where you started,

and those that bring you back...

But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself and if you find soemone to love the YOU you love...

well, thats just fabulous!!!!!

no puedo creer que el Wata esta igualito, hablamos como si los años hubieran pasado, nos acordamos de Sex and The City, nos acordamos de las noches de carrete, nos acordamos que nos amamos, nos acordamos que nos echamos de menos, nos acordamos que nos importamos y lo más importante es que nos acordamos que ser crueles y frios el uno con el otro nos ha mantenido cerca todos estos años.

WATA Y LA NERA!

... you??

If you like how I write, then sweet...

If things happened one night out of the blue and you realize how amazing you feel with this person, then sweet...

You're gonna realize how sweet things are by being perceptive, appreciating the good things in life, the every day little things,

whatever that is naturally beautiful.

You satisfy me, that's sweet...

It's so sweet...

I'm living lots of things, I'm learning, I'm listening, I'm feeling.

I'm growing, growing is something beautiful, growing is sweet...

I feel the cool breeze blowing in my face when I'm riding my bike,

I feel fresh, that's sweet...

Everything is so sweet to me when I want to embrace it,

those peculiar unexpected circumstances.

Now I think there are many sweet situations,

those situations with a very sweet inner side.

That's why I lisen to you, even when you say I don't understand you.

I pay attention, I observe, I think through...

and that's sweet!!

noseasloco: PAJA

Lo BUENO... weno, weno!! :D

Amigos de ayer y hoy...

Estoy feliz...

Bueno escribo algo decente creo que después de miles de meses con sus respectivos días, tratando de crear, tratando de poder postear algo interesante que no sea hablar de Landon, que no sea hablar de como me bajonea cuando peleamos, de como hecho de menos a su asquerosa perra Bonnie, nose.

Hoy estuve todo el dia en el SPA, es bueno hacerte socia del SPA cuico donde todas las viejas millonarias que vienen a visitar sus manciones pasan sus días llenandose de ice tea y haciendo citas para masajearse. Yo pago barato porque trabajo en el resort, ahhh sí porque lo que es SHOOOO... no tengo 125 cocos todos los meses para invertirlos en un gym, no way! Con las justas me animé a pagar la wea' de GOLD GYM en Lima y esto, porque el chino me había dejado y no tenía nada mejor en que gastar la plata que me mandaban del barco cuando me rompi el brazo.

Pero en fin, digo que es bueno porque es un placer estar en gym, luego te vas a tus clasesitas de kick-boxing, darte tu vueltita por la piscina, broncearte un resto, luego meterte a la hot tub con sus sales hidratantes y de ahí un saunita para sacarte la mugre de los codos. Un día regio!

Me conseguí una bicicleta, que realmente la histori de como la "consegui" es harto laga y agotadora asi que me la guardo, pero la cosa es que tengo una bici, y rico puh! Así como cuando vivía en Antofa me iba pa' too' lao' con la bici, mi Daysi, que por estos días se la pasa encerrada en una caja en el zótano de mis papas, oxidándose supongo, junto a la caja que contiene mis carteras llena de moho. Carajo y acá ando con 5 carteritas miserables luchando para combinarlas con mis outfits.

Mande un mail hace poco contando que ando enamorá y que el amor y que nosé que mas weas', eso no mas poh, puras weas! Ahora ya no estoy con Landon, pero estoy bien. No le he dado filo digamos pero lo espero, y si sucede, ya pes' que vaos' a hacer? I fell out of love!

Nota Mental: empezar terapia y tratar de luchar contra mi "hypomaniac sindrome", capaz algo de litio, lo que diga el Dr. Peip.

Luego contaba en este mail, que trabajaba regando flores y que no me gustaba, que andaba misia, pero que tenía que pretender ser feliz, bueno... NO MAS!!!!!! Qué pasó Kinky? cuenta! cuenta!

Resulta que un día estaba yo en mi odiosa chamba de jardinera, la cual soporte con gallardía y paciencia por dos largos y mutiladores meses, simple y llanamente porque así es como funcionan las cosas acá. Si quieres que tu sponsor (el resort para el que me vine a trabajar) te renueve la visa de trabajo cada 4 meses, tienes que esperar unos dos meses y como yo no me quize ir a Perú por ese tiempo lo mejor que pudieron hacer por mí fue conseguirme una pega asquerosa.

Bueno, prosigo, resulta que estaba yo tirada en un jardín, plantando floresitas y stonaza al extremo cuando de pronto me empieza a vibrar el cel en el poto, y al contestar, taraaaaaaaa! era del resort.

"Ya mamacita te aprobaron la extensión de la visa, asi que te vienes a trabajar pal' resort, a la recepción postulaste no?, ya pues un año te dieron, asi que empiezas el lunes".

Ay! la Kinky emocionada se sacó los guantes (que esos sí eran bonitos, esos de jardinería que siempre vienen en color pastel) y me dirijo con mi sonrisa de ceja a codo a mi jefa, y le dije pes' que me iba, era jueves. "Tengo que irme ahorita al resort a completar unos datos, ya no me puedo quedar a terminar el día" y me puse a llamar a todos los amigos que tengo acá y les conté y me emocioné, y peleé con Landon, y luego me amisté y le conté. Y llamé a mi mamá, y me dijo: "ahhhh... ya pues" emocionadísima ella...
La verdad es que siento que tengo suerte, he sabido de gente que les han negado las extensiones y tienen tantas ganas de quedarse que se vuelven "ilegales" y viven re mal. Yo no, lo que me da miedo de vivir acá ilegalmente es que capaz un día cruzando la pista un carro me atropella y me muero, o tal vez alguno de esos chibolos que tienen pistolas se va a poner a disparar como loco y me mata, o quizas algún borracho me patea en el bus porque no le gusta mi cara no mas pes'... Y ME MUERO Y DE AHI?? nadie sabe quien chucha soy, a la policia le va a llegar al pincho que este muerta y nadie se va enterar que me he muerto. Ay no! que horror! mejor tener tu pasaporte al día no mas, y pagar tus impuestos, que es una mierda, pero ya pes'.

Así que los Steits tiene Kinky para rato, y como diría el Nono: "PA EEEEEEEEEEEENTCH..."

Planes futuros:

-Seguir bajando de peso :D

-Mudarme a California (por un año)

-Conseguir novio (relacion estable y madura)

-Empezar mi terapia de psicoanálisis

-Con el tiempo irme a vivir a Nueva York (pero eso ya es a largo plazo)

Anoche me he emborrachado sola frente a mi notebook escuchando Pink, he llamado a mis amigos en Chile, me he enterado de chismes, he llorado de emoción cuando Ana me contestó, me he reído demasiado hablando con mi hermana que está en Holanda. Ayer también estuve en el gym, pero no monté bicicleta. No he fumado pito en casi una semana y me siento re bien en mi trabajo, algo bruta por lo del trainning y tanta cosa que aprender, pero igual, retador, bonito.

Vail Vail Vail Vail!!!!!!!!

...in my bones!!!!!!!!!!!

How did this happened?
I have to make record of this, write, somethig!!
I really feel I was living a dream, that's what happens when somebody much younger and totally lost in life knocks on your door.
With this guy things started so easy... just a game, texting, calling, I don't know, pure bullshit!
Suddenyl it was impossible for me to go to sleep without knowing where he was, months after it was impossible for me to go to bed without him NEXT TO ME!!
He is not what I need!! but I have become "needy" somehow, I love him, but he's horrible to me.
Why when I talked about the things that happen between us people say "he's awfull to me"??
He is not awfull to me when we are together!.
At the beggining of course you try to make things work, you try to close your eyes and say: "well... he's immature, he'll come around and notice he has no maners" but when time passes by you realize that it wasn't the maners what was wrong. Maybe I'm too used to guys that always took care of me, guys like Forty who got mad when I didn't ask him to take me to the border with Peru when we were in Chile and I was moving away. Guys like Alf that walked long distances just to pick me up from parties because I was too drunk to know where the hell I was, guys like "J", yeah!! "J", that somehow he SOMETIMES showed me he cared a little, don't ask me how, because obviously I can't remember, maybe when he used to buy me presents when he was travelling around the world with his stupid job. I don't know.
When you love somebody Pi mentioned once it's like a drug, you said "just a bit more and that's it" but now I feel like "a little bit more" is not possible!!, I feel like a little bit more is saying: "yessss, keep treating me like shit that I'll be there all the time, take me for granted!!". I can't keep doing this, I'm gonna be thirty years old anytime soon, and the last time he said to me was: "don't waste time with me" :'(

Somemhow all I can think now is that thing that Pi just wrote about this girl; and how she kissed his hand and how he wanted to give her an answer when she asked "which actor would you be?", and of course he said he'd like to be Mister Pink from RESERVOIR DOGS... here is just an example so you can understand how stupid I feel. I remember the first time this kid called me and told me he'd come pick me up so we can "hang out", and then we smoked some weed and watched "RESERVOIR DOGS".
I'm broken, I'm drunk, I'm jaded...
I'm listenig too much of RADIOHEAD.
I'm missing his smell, I sleep holding the pants he left here, I feel them, I need him...

I don't want to be crippled cracked
Shoulders, wrists, knees and back
Ground to dust and ash
Crawling on all fours
When you've got to feel it in your bones
Now I can't climb the stairs
Pieces missing everywhere
Prozak painkillers
When you've got to feel it in your bones
And I used to fly like peter pan
All the children flew when I touched their hands
When you've got to feel it in your bones

...oh my God you're weird...!

... why did you leave me Landon??

:'(

If someone said three years from now

You'd be long gone

I'd stand up and punch them out

Cause they're all wrong and

That last kiss

I'll cherish

Until we meet again

And time makes

It harder I wish I could remember

But I keep

Your memory

You visit me in my sleep

My darling

Who knew

My darling

My darling

Who knew

My darling

I miss you

My darling

Who knew

La Revolución de la Cuchara

Tengo una hermana vegetariana y muy espiritual; yo, como siempre lo digo como carne pero estoy en contra del abuso hacia los animales. Ahora que lo pienso eso es, definitivamente, una contradicción obvia y hasta ignorante.

Trataré de llevarme mejor con los animales y ya no comérmelos tanto, porque luego de ver este video antes de dormir anoche he tenido unos sueños que, sinceramente, no se los deseo a nadie.



No creen que en verdad somos unos malditos!!!!

:'(

The Cure, Landon y la carretera

Anoche he ido a uno de los concierto a los que siempre quize ir, THE CURE, habia comprado el boleto marzo pasado, aca en Estados Unidos tienes que comprar los boletos miles de años luz antes de que sea la fecha del concierto porque se acaban muy rapido.

Realmente fue un buen espectaculo, ahi estaba Robert Smith todo lindo y gordito el. El concierto fue en un sitio que se llama Red Rocks, y esta rodeado de rocas rojas es como estar en el Gran Cañon. Eavynn no quería llega muy temprano porque dice que hacía mucho viento, si yo hubiera tenido auto me hubiera ido a dormir al pie de aquellas montañas con tal de no perderme ni un poquito de la prueba de sonido que fue a medio dia y me contaron que era una juerga brutal.

En este sitio te dejan fumar marihuana y emborracharte mientras vez al cantante de tu preferencia. Y en el estacionamiento, antes de escalar las miles de escaleras hacia la entrada, hay miles de carros con sus puertas traseras abiertas algunos prendieron sus parrillas y comían choripanes mientras tomaban una cerveza y tenian de fondo musica del grupo.

Fue algo espectacular, aunque llegar nos costó un poco, mi amiga no me dijo que no tenia idea como llegar así que en medio camino me dijo: "oe negra tu sabes donde es no??", a mí casi me da el soponsio porque ya eran las 5 de la tarde y la cosa era estar antes de las 7 y media que era la hora del concierto.

Pero bueno Landon me llamó por teléfono y aproveché para que me diera los datos necesarios, él como antiguo y oriundo ciudadano de acá de Colorado. Claro que en medio de la conversa me preguntó si todo estaba bien, "karen tu eres felíz conmigo?". Yo creo que no soy la persona mas expresiva del planeta en cuanto a situaciones amorosas se refiere, pero él tampoco lo es, y nos hemos acostumbrado, creo yo, a no mostrarnos afecto alguno.

Lo que pasa es que estuve toda la semana con una "flu" en la huata que casi me mata, nunca en mi vida ni en mis peores resacas haba vomitado y cagado tanto en tan pocos dias. Toda esta semana no vi a mi "boyfriend", toda esta semana estuve algo deprimida porque cuando estas enferma y lejos de casa se te vienen esas ganas de que la persona que siempre se acuesta contigo por las noches este contigo y te sobe la barriguita. Landon prefirió irse a emborrachar con sus amigos.

Luego estuve pensando en la pregunta que me hizo este espécimen americano mientas Robert Smith cantaba "yes, is not my fault, I couldn't ever love you more" en el CD que le quemé a Eavynn para que tenga alguna idea de que The Cure no solo canta "Love Song" o "Boys don't cry". Creo que concluí en que es posible que sí quiera algo más; aún cuando Landon me dice que me ama y que me ama mucho.

Al comienzo hemos entrado a ver los asientos para ubicarnos bien y fue una indignación descubrir que teníamos que quedarnos muy muy lejos del escenario, pero Kinky esperó tres canciones solamente y de ahi... bueno pues pesqué del ala a mi amiga la gringa y le dije: "HERE?? no way" y nos pusimos a caminar entre la gente hasta estar casi lamiendole el sudor a los artistas.

Ha sido genial tener a este grupo cantando y bailando tan cerca, creo que cuando vea a MADONA en noviembre y a los Rolling Stones antes de que alguno se me muera voy a poder morir tranquila. Este concierto fue perfecto, salvo algunos detalles técnicos como aquel guardio de sguridad que me botaba de todo sitio cuando quería grabar algunos videos. "You again!! come on, come back to your sit!!!!" me decía mientras incluso en la oscuridad le veia la vena a punt de explotarle en la frente. Pa' que tan furioso digo yo??

Y bueno... este es el video ganador porque creo que jamás en mi vida habia pensado ver a Robertito bailando para mí, y siendo lindo, mientras cantaba CLOSE TO ME!!!!

el mail...

Yo sé que estoy loca y, pese a que muchas veces sigo pensando que pelear y volverme salvaje de rabia por razones totalmente sin importancia van a llevar mi relación a un punto duradero... es raro poderse encontrar con alguien que esta dispuesto a aguantar ese pequeño detalle en mí que estoy tratando de mejorar. Es muy difícil y cabe la posibilidad de que me dejen botada en cualquier momento.
Pero cuando me llegan este tipo de mails tengo que reconocer que se calman las lavas de mi ser, dentro muy dentro, y me vuelvo totalmente estupida y vulnerable.

Me cago de miedo!!!

RE: ...‏
De: Landon
Enviado: martes, 08 de abril de 2008 02:57:31 p.m.
Para: Karen

Karen, Just read this! I really did not mean to hurt your feelings in any way at the bar the other night. I had no intentions of flirting with any other girls. Sure I was dancing but so were you. I didn't even know you had left until after I texted you. Anyways, I just think it would be a bad decision for you to leave because of me. I was just starting to really like you and I think we could have a lot of good times together in the future. When you left the other night I was angry because I felt like you just wanted me to chase after you and I also felt like I didn't do anything wrong. I never talked to anybody or flirted with anybody. I am sorry for the shitty things I said to you but you also said some pretty shitty things to me. If you want to leave for other reasons I understand and there isn't anything I can do about that. But don't leave because of me. I miss you and there is something I wanted to give you. If you give us another chance I know things will be great! Let me know what you decide to do. Feel free to call me whenever you want to. I'm not better off without you Karen!

LOVE STINKS!!!!!

Odio a todo el mundo en este momento, no puedo creer que un puto malentendido me ha arruinado por completo.

I'm never gonna be happy.... definately this thing called LOVE is gonna make me cry, again and again...

as one...

These winter nights will be gone tomorrow, my long walks under the snow will be over. Maybe meeting somebody wasn’t a good idea, I feel like I’m bleeding inside the hell of his head. The seeds of his sick charm keep growing in my heart; maybe I’m just living strongly deep at dawn when I see his warm body besides me.

The next day is dark, red like fire, bullshit feelings wandering around my existence, his poisoned hands take me away from the light into the obscure tears of my wounded mouth. His magic turns unknown but nothing is new at the same time. From the lightening to the darkness, his eyes kill me; from the darkness to the lightening, his unreal love is twisted.

I’m breathing, I’m drunk, I’m dying, I’m still living…why am I still alive?

I can see what he can´t, whether I want it or not he is a part of me already; he may even be stuck to my flesh, that’s what he can’t see. The things he says, the things he does, all is wrong, I’m in hell. The lovers I’ve had, the waste of time, the drama, sad endings.

I feel like getting away, I feel like knowing what is happening in places where I haven’t been before, I feel like not knowing and to take at once. What I ask from him and what he can’t give, those things that stay being just a try.

Everything is about to blow up in my face all the time. I can´t look into his eyes no more, I feel like lying, I’m burning inside, our passion is chasing us but fading away into the infinity. Am I going too fast?, am I going anywhere?, my life is nonsense.

This is all good, this is all bad. I’m falling, I’ve lost faith, I’m hurt, I need something new, people to talk to, someone to listen to, I need to open that door, I need to find him. No more pain, I don’t need more pain just a soul far away to be as one, together as one.