J’s future

Have you ever seen a guy after many months you have broken up the relationship and you start to question yourself “what the hell did I see in him that had me so numb for all those months?”, ok ok let’s give the ex some credit, maybe is not the way he looks but the way he’s living, right?. After my longest relationship I ran into my ex after several months we split and he was having the same life we used to have when we were back at the University and the worst: he was still living with his parents, and believe it or not, he might still be.

I guess by now all my “J” period has been over…. at least for this week, due to the fact that is my birthday and all... but a couple of nights ago as I bumped into the girl he dumped me for I couldn’t stop wondering what may be the kind of girl he is currently seeing. I mean let’s be honest, “J” a 40 year old - medium intelligent – almost addicted to his job and eager to sell his mother in order to get a good piece of business, what could be the life he’s having by now?.

As all my spanish-spoken freinds must have found out by my latest stories I started a very nice and commitmentless “relationship” with a kind and interesting sex buddy (M.V.). You may know that those kind of relationships aren’t just there around the corner so I’m trying to have a good time while it lasts. Of course this is because on my twenties I don’t envision things beyond dating and having a good time, besides of being great at my job of course.

However, I ask myself what kind of life you may have after almost 4 years of making a lot of money in a desert when you have all those degrees in Agriculture, living in a Southamerican country without learning a bit of Spanish and having a 20 year-old daughter who has her own life far away from you and hardly remembers your birthday.

What future are you to get when you haven’t even been interested in stablishing long-term and kind relationships with all the girls you have dated all your life? Are you bound to live sorrounded by only friends who are all married with children? Will you be happy being lonely and succesfull? Are you succesfull if you don’t have anybody to share it with?

Well, as I know for sure I was the best this guy could get (I mean please, give me a break!, a twenty-four year-old good-looking crazy about you latin girl, affectionate, tender, very intelligent, hardworking, ambitious, with a nice carrer in front of her and about to get a promotion after one year of work, am I a good catch or what?) so, as I was listening to a song the other night, I thought of “J”, ok maybe I’m not over him completely, but I have the right to picture him after all this time we’ve been far from each other, don’t I?

I suppouse he might be with the “new one” by now. I have nothing to say about that, I wasn’t expecting him to live his life alone in darkness and isolation and I was sure that he was gonna be back at the game quickly eager to mix with those mean chicks again who I hope will leave him full of humiliated confution someday.

His new one may be one of those thirty year old desperate high heeled girls, who dresses-up every single day just because. I bet she wears those tight shirts and slutty skirts, and I’m pretty sure she goes to the saloon twice a week to have her hair brushed in an pathetic 80’s style. She could be the girl of his dreams but just because she has trapped him at his 40’s so obviously he needs a human contact or at least someone by his side, therefore, she’s there.

Maybe since the moment he has met her his world has changed completely, because everything she says is everything he had ever wanted to hear and of course he has dropped all his defenses and all his fears, he entirely trusts her, she’s perfect in every way. With all her tender remarks she makes him feel strong and powerfull inside, he may be feeling so lucky.

“J” is so predictable and dumb that any girl with a hot body could make him bark like a dog if she wanted him to. Suddenly he feels like a millon dollars, with a young hot bimbo next to him who hides behind a smile and understanding eyes and she’ll tell him the things that he already knows so he can feel so identify with her. And all the time that he’s needing her is just the time that she’s bleeding him and his wallet til they dry.

At the end I might say that I’m better off this way, that he didn’t deserve me, that I’ll find someone special, that someone better will come along, but you know what? I DON’T CARE, all I want now is you poeple to know what kind of idiot I was attracted to, I always tell my friends I don’t like old guys (by this I mean over 40 ok?) however they immediately remind me of that old canadian grandpa I was dying for last year and I ought to say I blush myself.