The Young Spinster

Sometimes I get to think about days gone by, that carefree time when my schedules were as wide open as my heart, the time before the bills and the break-ups began to weigh me down. Now I wonder about my sense of adventure, is it sleeping inside of me already? or is that being single at my age means that I’ve lost the boat?

I love to watch Sex and The City, in one episode Carry makes the comparison between First Dates and Job Interviews, the difference... cocktalis!, she said. I must admit that I’m so tired of dating, starting relationships and trying to make them work to finally break-up again, I mean, don’t you guys just get fed-up of dealing with the unpredictable?

I also get scared, what if after the last time was so good that no one better comes along? How many times are we eager to fall in love? Last night, alone in my place as usual, I saw “The Mirror has Two Faces”, nice movie huh? in this case Barbara Streisand’s character says that we, humans, fall in love over and over, just because it feels “so fucking great”, in that moment a kind of masochistic feeling invaded me.

I ought to say I’m not a believer when it comes to great loves and how many of them are we to get in our lifetime. Some people say there is only one, during my “J” period (I promise I’ll let you know more about this in a different article) he made me believe that there were three, but all the arguments to make me buy those limited conclusion didn’t quite convince me.

Once a friend told me: “Kinky, you have to let go who you are if you want to find someone”, I’m sorry but what the hell did he mean? Did he mean that in order to be loved you have to forget about yourself and please the other all the time? From my point of view you just have to be open all the time, honest and straight to the point and you’ll be surprised more than once.

Maybe he tried to tell me that I’m TOO honest and TOO straight to the point, but even though I’m keen on finding a good guy I don’t think people must change, it would be like lying. I think that if I’m single it’s because maybe myself is enough by now, and my “plus 1” is not ready to meet me yet.

That’s why I thank God all the time for being on my twenties, of course I think it’s very advisable that you’re optimistic even if you are older and, due to the fact that I have many thirty year-old friends, I recommend to apply optimism daily as if it was moisturizer so we’ll be able to fight back when reality batters our belief system because nowadays everybody knows love doens’t conquer all after several years of waiting.